I have been talking to my boyfriend since February, 6 months of courting, went out on dates ect. we then began dating in May. Boyfriend of 2 months.
my boyfriend’s ex girlfriend ( from middle school they dated on and off. It’s his first girlfriend, they never had any type of ___ relations. it was his first kiss and puppy love stuff. and he introduced her as his ex girlfriend turned best friend. when we first met. well she got married last month this year and she’s just turned 21. I talked to him about how uncomfortable I am with him being so close with her truthfully. Example, going to her house and walking her dogs for her while she’s sleeping, at the time her fiance was at work , texting her everyday. Has a streak, confides in her, she helped him and gave him tips in courting me. he wants us to be friends thinking that’ll change my uncomfortable behavior but it absolutely will not, he told me that they broke up because they later realized it was better to be friends. I later found out she broke up with him. they’ve made jokes about if her relationship and if his relationship with his future partner doesn’t work out, they’ll just get married at like 70 years old mind you this was before she met her bf soon to be husband and this was before he met me.
Its national girlfriend day and he tagged me on social media. I see that she added me as a friend on Snapchat and I am not comfortable with adding back he says “ you can just hide your story from her so she can’t see “ and I say no I cannot because I have a public profile that I post on and everyone can see that I can’t hide her from seeing that.
Then he says ____ just wants to be your friend and get to know you.
We’ve had a discussion about this before and he promised me after the wedding stuff with her he’d reevaluate their friendship. The last event related to the wedding is today.
yesterday I ask him on text have you spoken to the best friend about you and I’s relationship concerns about the friendship and my uncomfortable feelings ? because the ‘ she wants to be your friend ‘ just signaled something to me that he had spoken to the person who he and I spoke about and I thought privately I shared my concerns. he said yes I have talked to her about it I spoke about your being uncomfortable with having an ex as a best friend and I talked about it with her.
I’m unsure if she speaks to him about her marriage relationship concerns but I’d bet it happens. and I say “ you could’ve spoken to anyone about it to any one of your friends but you speak to the friend about it. the person who is involved. he believes if two people have a situation and it involves a 3rd party. That 3rd person should know about it.
I respond no you should not because if you want the relationship between the two people to last and be built on trust you do not talk to the person. I then said “I feel I can’t trust you, I feel my voice doesn’t matter ect”
boyfriend said she told her bf the guy she was dating ___ is here to stay in her life , he isn’t going anywhere and that you have to accept it. (This was said before he started dating me, before I even showed up.) despite him being there in her life. that didn’t stop boyfriend from proposing to and marrying her.
now whether that is true. And she really said that to her partner isn’t my problem. I am on a second account to avoid being identified and for my privacy.
I don’t know what to do. do I talk to her ? do I leave the situation entirely? am I jealous? do I stop talking about it and just pretend like it isn’t happening ?
TL; DR! I am uncomfortable with my boyfriend being best friends with his ex from middle school and he thinks that if we’re friends this discomfort will just go away, and I love him. he thinks that me saying set boundaries with his ex girlfriend turned bestie means ‘cut her off’.