I’ve (35F) gone on a date and been chatting with this guy (40M). He has 2 kids, works, from what I can gather his relationship with his ex wife is more strained than he explicitly states.
First date we went on he told me about 6 times how tired he was. He seems like a genuinely nice guy, but he just complains a lot; he’s tired, he’s unfit, he needs to lose weight, and then mundane stuff about his job & family. He is nice, stable, seems kind, but I don’t know how to bring up the constant complaining, and if it’s like this now, is it likely that it will continue this way? How do you even have that conversation? I like you but you whinge too much. Like I love a good rant, but if I don’t like something, I make every effort to change it.
Background of this is that childhood trauma stuffed me up & I’ve either avoided commitment or sometimes ended up with people who followed the same patterns my abuser – I have no issue in confrontation outside of intimate relationships & I’m working on it, but still find these conversations really hard to have.
Tl;Dr – finding a date too whingey on the first date & wanting to know how to tell him to buck up.