feel disgusting everytime i’m with a guy

idk what’s going on with me. i’m 19F and i have a boyfriend of 2 years 20M who i have had sexual experiences with. ( fingering and oral only) before him i was with another guy who i gave/received oral with once. after each experience i felt disgusted with myself and idk why. well with the first guy it was understandable because i felt very pressured into it. but with my current bf it’s not like that yet i still feel disgusted every time i do it. i overthink and panic every time we’re about to do something but i go through with it anyways because i kinda feel like i have no choice. i get especially triggered when he jokes about what we did at a later time. i feel disgusting that i allowed him and the other guy access to me in that way. i hate that i feel that way especially with my current bf because he treats me so well and even waited a year to get into anything. ive tried talking to him about it and we hes agreed to take breaks but i always end up doing it again because i feel bad for depriving him. i’ve seriously started to question my sexuality because of that and wonder if i am just attracted to women. i think there’s something very wrong with me. has anyone else gone through something similar? what do you guys think?