I just recently learned from my brother that he had touched me when I was a baby.
Little backstory we both were removed from our main home by foster care bc our parents were addicts, I was about 6 when I was taken and he was 12-13. We both had reconnected with our mom who was sober and had finished doing some heavy time in prison. But unfortunately she was murdered in December by someone she was trying to help and both of our dads are dead as well.
Anyway so my brother jus was released from prison a couple days ago (also drug related) but while drunk he confessed and broke down to me that he used to touch me when we were kids, he says he holds so much guilt and he feels like such a terrible brother. And I just didn’t know what to say I hung up…
When I was in foster care in school I remember getting in trouble because I asked this little boy (we were both probably 6yo) if I could see his if I showed him mine.. I remember doing this with more than one person and it just makes me sick like my brain was rotted from so young. And when I was early teens too I gained so many bodies and they were all just to fuck. I didn’t enjoy the people and half the time didn’t enjoy the fuck but somehow it fulfilled me. I was also raped my freshman year of high school i was reserved for a while but eventually used sex as a coping mechanism. My whole life there’s been struggles with hyper sexual feelings and thoughts (they are a lot better now I’m older I have a long term boyfriend) but how am I supposed to heal from the fact my brother started/contributed this problem and I didn’t find out for many many many years. Do I forgive him?
All we have is each other. Our siblings treat us like we aren’t family, I’m disconnected from everyone except my aunt n uncle, and the rest of the family hates my brother. I’m scared he’d go back to using drugs if I ignored him but I need to figure this out before I am able to speak to him.