I recently found out that two women my SO is super close friends with are former FWBs. One, he had a thing with right before we met, another he used to have threesomes with in his previous relationship. One of them has recently reached out to be friends with me but has tapered off on communication since we last hung out.
No one involved has told me of this – I found out from a trusted friend and I’m feeling many emotions about it. Mostly hurt that no one – especially my partner – has told me about this. But then I feel guilty for feeling like I’m owed this explanation for something that did not involve me. But I also feel concerned that their bonds are so close. They talk every single day, call, and text. And they’ve both stayed on his couch – which he informed me of after the fact – while we’ve been together.
Should I tell him I know and ask why he hasn’t told me? Should I give him the opportunity to admit if he has or not? Is this none of my concern and if so, should I drop it?
TL;DR – SO is best friends with former FWBs but none of them have told me they’ve had sex together. Feeling hurt, concerned, and a little betrayed.
2 comments
SMH. I’ll never understand thinking it’s OK to introduce someone to a partner but hiding the fact that they previously dated.
As a man, I would tell you to RUN the other way as fast as you can. You might get a bunch of responses relating to you how “it’s perfectly OK to be friends with your ex” and telling you that you’re being jealous etc, but for the VAST majority of men, when we keep these kinds of ties to exes it’s because sex is either still available, or we believe it is.
Yes it a reasonable concern and he should have told you. Not doing so for that extended time is a significant deception.
I am friends with a couple EXes and am pro active in trust building with my SO. EG honey I’m going to have Sunday brunch with Jane to catch up.
In your shoes would bring up bring one of the two with him. If he does not volunteer the other one then you know he is lying scoundrel. Which is how one of my partners became an EX.