Throwaway account for obvious reasons. My bf (M30) and I (F25) have been together for 9 months. When we met we immediately hit it off and entered the talking phase for a month before pulling the trigger on the relationship. I feel for the first time that I have a relationship with someone who doesn’t hide things from me and loves me for who I am. (I’ve had other experiences in my past relationships b2b) We both express that we take the relationship and eachother seriously and we are looking for a place together. Mind you, we know eachother VERY well at this point. But we have had our major bumps and conversations since May. In May, out of town at a large social event he mentally broke with the combination of nitrous oxide consumption and emotional insecurity. It damn near almost destroyed our entire relationship, and his relationship with the people who care about me. To the point where I had to sleep in my friends RV for my safety that night. he began therapy(stopped going after two sessions) and is now on SSRI’s.
We had a storm roll through town last night so we decided to take the opportunity to drink boxed wine and do cocaine (cocaine is a rare occurrence for either of us but especially him) and just be at my house for the night. It was fun until I got the spins in bed. I quickly moved to the floor with a cushion and told him what was going on. I woke up in confusion around 4-5 AM. He had not slept but instead went through my phone for an unknown amount of time(hours for sure).
Immediately he spoke about going through my phone and seeing pictures/videos my ex and I took together during sex. He became accusatory and had the gusto to make it about how “he can’t unsee that” and it bothers him so much that I have that on my phone.
For starters, the only reason why I have not deleted my 6GB memory of texts and pictures with my ex from 3 years ago(no contact) is because I need to keep them for my safety. This person is dangerous, has been accused of sexual ______. more than once, and has written things to me that I have been heavily advised to keep because he to this day continues to lie about our relationship and my part in it.
My current partner knows everything under the sun about my relationship with that person and that there is no contact. He went out of his way to go into my text from 3 years ago. The persons name isn’t even listed as his real name because the situation is that traumatic for me. so he had to look up the phone number to find it, and my point is that was a choice every step of the way.
Nevertheless- I kicked his ass out.
During the weekend episode in May. He did similar things. When I was asleep he went through my phone and accused me of talking to people. He was actually mentally crazed and it is very scary to deal with someone who looks like they are foaming at the mouth. He demanded that I get out of his car that we were sleeping in so I tried, then he forcefully closed the tailgate window to stop me. Ditched me in a Trail on the way back to camp. Would say things like “shut the fuck up” out of the blue to me and my friends because he said that he heard us talking shit. We were not and it was awkward. For months since he has been expressing how I don’t give him enough Physical attention, becomes upset when I don’t look at him the right way in the morning. Becomes upset if I am too involved in my phone, even if he can see what I’m doing. His insecurities are becoming our relationship problems.
(Should be noted. He is aware of how he acted was incredibly inappropriate and wants nothing more than to work through it. He is very apologetic and embarrassed about the weekend episode in May.)
I guess my question is, do other people deal with this type of behavior from someone who is on SSRI’s?His behavior escalates to a different level when he consumes drugs and I want to know more about how different substances would effect someone while on SSRI’s/personal experiences.
I’m also asking for advice, I love this person beyond just being my current partner, I see them as a potential life partner and we both want to plan our next moves together. But this type of behavior is so violating and not ok, I don’t want to move in with a partner who I love but I cannot help on a mental health level. I also cannot look myself in the mirror being ok with these types of behaviors toward me. Obviously this is a just a snippet of what can be inferred but he was throwing a tantrum and I have never said so many things to stand up for myself to a partner that I still wanted to be with.
TL;DR! my bf went through my phone when I was drunk/asleep for a second time both times on a drug enraged outburst. Wondering if it’s too fucked up of a violation for me to stay with him and looking for information on how drug consumption could effect people taking SSRI’s.