Been seeing a lot of posts about Sherry Argov’s ‘Why Men Love Bitches’ (essentially a relationship advice book geared towards women) and am curious what men think about it.
A lot of it is depressing to read because it’s made me realize that men aren’t into those type of women who show that they put in effort, act protective, etc because it reminds them of their mother and whatnot.
Excerpt: ‘When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead moose to his front door. The objective while dating is not to be mean. It's to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man.’
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>It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man.’
This would be so convenient if it were true, wouldn’t it?
The reason y’all take a passive role in dating is because it’s easier than taking an active role and y’all already have the cultural context for it, so why change?
It has fuckall to do with men’s needs.
Sounds like absolute brain rot to me.
Boys love bitches. Men love Women.
Definitely sounds like it was made by a woman who probably has never spoken to an honest man in her life.
No actual man enjoys the chase. Some men have too much going on in their life to have to entertain a woman purposefully making him chase her. Obviously, there should be effort put into from the man, but it should be reciprocated from the woman as well. If I don’t feel like I’m receiving any reciprocation pretty early on into the dating stage, I’m moving the fuck on. That book sounds like it’s teaching women how to stay single and NOT get men, or at least the “good men” yall rave about not existing anymore.
Men are into peace, simple as. The vast majority want a woman that is attractive to them, has compatible values, and is a sense of ease and peace. Thats it. Thats the whole narrative. Any other narrative being fed to you is one of manipulation, for whatever reason. Mostly commercially driven (looking at you, youtube podcasts). When you approach dating, if you follow any advice outside of a general realm of being authentic, then you are tautologically being manipulative, and this will often self-fulfill to dating struggles.
So yes, men “love bitches” in the sense that you can manipulate them into chasing you, until they suss out the game, get tired of your bullshit, and leave to find someone who brings them, you guessed it, peace
If “the chase” is what’s keeping a man around, what are you going to do long term once “the chase” is over?
Similar advice can be give to both genders. The core message is “find someone who will jump through hoops to get to you, while not putting forth any special effort yourself”. If you do that, then you have the power in the relationship! The problem is, it’s setting up a 1-sided relationship that self-respecting people won’t opt into.
I think people get pulled into these sorts of messages because many of us have experienced falling for someone and thinking “If I just show them how good I am, they’ll love me”, and end up putting in tons of effort only to be tossed aside. But the issue isn’t being loving, it’s thinking that being loving on its own will cause the person to fall in love with you.
Sounds like good fodder for one of my favorite podcasts, *If Books Could Kill*. Which is to say, maybe there’s something good buried in there, but everything you’ve described makes it sound like a crock of shit.
I mean for fuck’s sake, it’s a well-known stereotype that men date women who ARE like their mothers, what the fuck is she talking about?
You know what a man wants? A woman who puts effort into the relationship. We want, above all else, to be wanted. I’m not saying we want everything handed to us, but we do not want to do all the work either.
Where is the evidence that this is even true?
I’ve never seen anything to make me think “men love bitches”
You read a book written by a woman about what men love? Mistake number 1
Some of the dumbest shit you could ever read.
Sounds like a scam and a way to keep other women from succeeding in their love lives because the author can’t succeed in her own.
Yeah I’m pretty sure you can throw out the whole book. Haven’t personally read it but based on your description it’s full of shit.
“it’s made me realize that men aren’t into those type of women who show that they put in effort, act protective, etc because it reminds them of their mother and whatnot.”
That’s bullshit. Spend five minutes lurking comments in this sub and you’ll probably find hundreds of guys explaining how sexy it is when a woman puts in effort.
The most important thing for you to try to remember is that men are not a hivemind, we are not all printed off an assembly line like the clones from Star Wars. Each and every single person in the world is a unique individual with their own personal tastes and it’s damaging and reductive to approach something like dating with a “one size fits all” mindset. What works for one person is NOT going to work for everybody. 🖖
Complete and utter BS.
Imagine the thrill of finding out if a kid is actually yours or not. Or the thrill of keeping the indifferent gold digger staying married to you so that you are not ruined financially and keep access to kids.
No, men don’t crave it.
Being a bitch is the best and most sure way to stay single. It would take a complete imbecile to put a ring on it.
“It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man” – no, screw this. Make me a sandwich and be quiet. If you want to be chased go to a forest and talk to a bear.
I liked it. Obviously you need to take it with a grain of salt but the whole idea is that you should never need a man or act like you need a man. Operate from a place where no matter what happens in your relationship, you will be okay. I think it’s a gold reminder to put yourself first and don’t take men’s shit when dating. Some of her suggestions are archaic but overall premise is fuck pleasing a man. Do what works for you.
I dont know it but based on provided info its absolutely and utter bullshit. Its goal is not to make it easier for women to find guys. Its to push women into position where they dont put any effort in dating.
Its “Im lazy fuck and expect guy to put all the effort so I have to indocrinate other women to do the same so Im not behind”
Retarded but it was written by a woman so it’s no surprise she has no idea what she’s talking about
Different men want different things. I’d say a lot of men just want someone who is nice to them, is decent looking (although that’s optional for some men), and has sex with them (although, once again, some men don’t even care much about sex).
Women who play games and make men chase them are just selecting for men who like playing games and chasing women. And those types of guys may like the chase more than the actual women they’re chasing.
So this book is written by a woman on what men want and like? Im sure it has a bunch of “research” from online articles, tik toks, and anecdotal experience from her toxic friend group and their handful of douches bags they themselves choose to date.
Sounds like a book geared more towards women who want to be single for the rest of their lives and then blame men because we want another mom not a wife.
Why would I want another mom? Or date a woman that treats me like my mom? What the fuck is this feminist and toxic woman cop out they constantly use to validate their shitty behavior? “They just want another mom” lol such a pathetic cop out. Quit comparing us to the shitty men y’all choose to date and have relationships and kids with.
We don’t want you to be our mothers…such a cop out feminist and toxic women line to validate their own shitty behavior towards men.
Y’all already have the advantage in the dating pool. Y’all wait to be asked, the guy plans the date, the guy usually pays for the date, the guy usually does most of the texting and communicating, even the seducing. Y’all took the passive role because it was easier and you had the advantage to do so, women complained about that and now that men listen we’re the problem.
These “relationship” books likes this written by women that just validate toxic femininity need to be given a disclaimer “book comes with brain rot” or make a new section “great reads for toxic misandrist” lol
>A lot of it is depressing to read because it’s made me realize that men aren’t into those type of women who show that they put in effort
I fuck bitches but I don’t love them. 🤷♂️
Women that think this way are the main reason I don’t bother with relationships anymore. It’s not a new idea. I’ve met plenty of women that think like this over the past 5 years or so. It’s made me realize that focusing my energy on myself instead of hard carrying a relationship is immensely better for my mental health.
I like women with a bit of an edge to them but not really mean. Someone who will call me on my BS. You know?
I suspect that book is helpful to women who are doormats and harmful to those who take it literally.
This sounds like an absolute dogshit book. Dont follow that awful advise.
I don’t know anything about the book but…
> Excerpt: ‘When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead moose to his front door. The objective while dating is not to be mean. It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man.’
This is LAUGHABLY bad advice; the only time I’ve ever heard a guy say ‘I wish this woman was less into me’ was with actual crazy women (and by that, I mean the stalker types).
Even the most traditional men love it when women show interest in them. A sizeable amount of masculine self worth is tied into validation from women (not healthy, but it’s how it is). So, when a woman pursues a man it *is* validating their masculinity.
The part about not being mean is true, but I think the author might be onto something without knowing it; a woman disagreeing pretty openly or bluntly with a man can and will be challenging for a lot of guys. Sometimes that is considered being ‘mean’. A lot of guys won’t know how to feel about it, and might respond negatively to it. This *is* true, and it sucks, but IMO would you want a relationship with someone who can’t respond in a healthy way to a romantic partner disagreeing with them?
The chase is the most annoying part in dating. I won’t chase anyone. If you try to play that game, I’m out. I have enough stress at work, I don’t want to play mind games when I’m off. If anything, I enjoy women who are proactive, because it shows that she wants me.
In conclusion, the book seems to be absolute trash
I got posts pulled down for saying women with long fingernails cant wipe their arse and then I see this post. Laughable.
This book was written by a woman who doesn’t actually talk to men, wasn’t it? This is giving some real “breasted boobily” but for men vibes. Anyway, the smartest move is not to take dating advice from someone who makes broad generalizations of the preferences of roughly half of the population… or from someone who unironically calls people bitches.
At this point, it’s better to just be honest and admit that they prefer the traditional privilege of being passive and have men do the hard work for them while still fighting for “equality” for whatever feels nice.
If that’s where women are taking their information from, I guess men should actually take serious some writers of their own.
From what I have seen it is a step by step guide on how to get into a toxic relationship that I hear all women complain about. Why do you think not putting any effort in is going to make a good man stay?
Critical thinking and being able to read critically are all increasingly essential.
I’m so sick of chasing. My overweight, Real Housewives obsessed wife will sit like a lump in our living room watching shit TV shows and surfing Facebook and Instagram until her eyes are drooping, then come upstairs and give me five minutes of her time before she falls asleep.
And I’m supposed to chase that?
It’s cliche’ and “toxic” masculinity to ask what she brings to the table, but my short answer is nothing. There is absolutely nothing, to include (and especially, in fact) taking care of our kids, that I can’t do.
It’s stupid books like this that continue to put women on the track to expecting to be chased and “the prize” and to be candid, if you’re the prize for putting in the least effort possible in a relationship, you don’t have a man worth a damn.
Stupid book.
>A lot of it is depressing to read because it’s made me realize that men aren’t into those type of women who show that they put in effort, act protective, etc
My girlfriend is my girlfriend because she was the one who put in the most effort out of all the women I dated. Men love effort, although I’m not sure what you mean by “act protective”.
>Excerpt: ‘When a woman chases a man, it has the same effect as if she were to deliver a dead moose to his front door. The objective while dating is not to be mean. It’s to give him the thrill of the chase by taking it slowly and letting him be a man.’
It sounds like the author has had experiences that are very common for a lot of women, but she hasnt drawn the right conclusions. I see a lot of women falling into this pattern. To her, putting in effort is “chasing”, and that’s the wrong way to think of things.
She meets a man who she really likes and puts a lot of effort in with, but he only does the bare minimum to keep her around. When she starts to pull away from this guy, she notices he starts putting in more effort.
Then she meets another guy, and starts off playing hard to get, and he’s putting in a lot of effort. Her conclusion is that men like to chase.
But that is not correct.
I do not want to chase and I do not want to be chased. If I do not like you, more effort will not make me like you. I have already decided I don’t want to be with you. If I like you, I will put in the effort consistently, but I want it reciprocated.
If you want to avoid this, clearly communicate what you want and make sure you’re on the same page. Put in effort, and make sure your effort is reciprocated. If it’s not, just move on.
What is this, reverse-PUA bullshit? To the bin with it.
There’s no such thing as a discreet social group called “women”. there are something like 2 *billion* adult women under 50; nothing some influencer can write a trite little book about can compass that many people.
I’m sorry what?
I’ll never understand the publishing industry. they’ll both publish anything and also won’t publish anything at the same time. unless this book is self published or a free e-book or whatever. to be honest, I don’t care enough to look it up and find out.
Pure bullshit.