I'm in a relationship currently (for the last 5 months), which I've been very happy in. I've been close friends with him (I'll call him Sam) for the past two years, since we met in college. I started falling for him because he's incredibly funny and we laugh a lot together.
Before this, I was in a relationship with a guy (I'll call him Kyle) who had some unhealthy coping mechanisms and would project his anger onto me (aside other things). Kyle threw things at me when he lost a board game, slammed with doors and completely shut me down when he was in a bad mood. I broke up with him and felt really good about myself, I didn't want to get into another relationship (especially not one like this). I could focus on my art, college and friends.
Unexpectedly, a while after this, Sam and I started dating.
For the last two-ish months, I've gone through a depressive episode and when I feel this happens, I keep to myself a lot. I close myself off. I know it isn't very healthy, but I've been working on this in therapy for a while. This also means that I don't really want to get intimate or do romantic things. Sam has been noticeably upset about this.
Two weeks ago I was at his place and we were playing with cards. He lost about three-ish times and suddenly lost it. He threw the cards at me and got quiet. This brought back some memories to what Kyle did, since he'd done this to me multiple times, which had also led to me getting paper cuts twice. This already wasn't pleasant, but later that night I wanted to go to sleep, it was 11 PM and I'd drank a couple of beers so I was just ready to go to bed.
Sam's been upset about this before, the fact that I sleep way earlier than he does. This time he got even more pouty. He wanted to go downstairs to watch something, but said in a very rude way. He then proceeded to walk off, stomping and slamming two doors on his way down. This, yet again, brought me back memories of my past relationship. I know he wouldn't physically hurt me, but I still don't like this behavior.
The next morning was awkward, but I confronted him about this (after a lot of hesitation) and he told me he would never hurt me and that he just drank a lot, but also can't blame the fact he was drunk. Later he did blame it on the fact he drank. I've heard this apology in almost the exact same way before so I didn't know what to think about it.
Sam is on vacation now so I haven't seen him for around two weeks, but I feel myself becoming unattracted to him and I'm doubting the fact of staying with him. We had such a good relationship and I finally felt like I was with someone I could trust and be happy with and I know I'd miss him if we didn't have any contact anymore. I feel very guilty about the fact that I'm being very distant towards him, but I can't stop replaying what happened in my head. I'm not looking for solid answers, just for perspective and tips (whether or not you've been in a similar situation).
TLDR: I love my boyfriend, but due to his recent, unexpected, behavior I've been doubting the entire relationship.