Not text, but call. Voice or video.

Also, how often do you initiate the call vs picking up the phone when they call?

(If your parents have passed away, my condolences)


34 comments

  1. I’m in my 50’s with both parents still alive and with a good relationship. I would say every 3 months. We catch up on family details then there just isn’t anything to talk about. I call them 95% of the time.

  2. I’m in my forties and my parents are mid-seventies. We talk almost daily, maybe every other day. We hang out once a month, maybe twice.

    I’m lucky and I get that, but my parents are just chill cool people. My wife and I have to absolutely scheme and cajole to pay for anything for them, but they will eagerly drop thousands of dollars to help others. 

    They spent most days loading up cars at the local food bank. I hope to live up to their example one day.

  3. Barely ever, I just go to their house. I live 9 miles from them. When we do talk on the phone they usually initiate it as they most likely need help with something.

  4. Text every few days, call about once a week. Sometimes two weeks may pass but I’ll at least text in between, messages initiated both ways. I like talking to them, I always answer and they do as well when calling

  5. Couple times a week. My little brother calls them every day. Usually don’t talk for long just a how’s it going and what you’re doing. My mum likes it so I don’t mind doing it for her

  7. 40… moved out a couple times in my early 20s. Finally made the big boy leap and left for good when i was 28. Good relationship with mum. We talk for 5-10 mins once a week. Because of terrible Canadian phone plans I typically have her call ( or i’ll text and mention ‘hey let’s chat’ ).

    Haven’t talked to dad in almost ten years.

  8. If I don’t call, golden son is the only one my mother remembers. I LC text every week or so. I’m fine not being in her life since she prefers my brother.

    Deadbeat paternal DNA donor only cares for my brother. Drunk calls him every so often. So I consider myself more often than not an orphan. My mother would forget me in a few months if I don’t reach out.

  9. Live a flight away from my parents. Text every day or two, call every couple of weeks, spend at least a weekend with them 3-4 times a year and meet them for dinner every time I’m in their city for work. I wish I could see them more.

  10. Now it varies . But mum mostly weekly and dad use to be weekly but it’s stopped , I think he’s having health issues.

    Previously I went over a decade not speaking to mum and probably 5 years not talking to dad.

  12. Never. My mother is an evangelical lunatic who caused me irreparable harm in my youth, for which she is unwilling to apologize, so I have cut my parents out of my life.

  13. Late thirties. Usually once or twice a week for an hour or so while I walk my dog. It’s great.

  14. Calling, Once a week to daily, it just depends on how much stuff has happened I can update them on, if nothing interesting happens then I might stretch it to two weeks at the most

    And at least a text every 2-3 days

  15. When my parents were alive….

    I made a point of calling Mom every week, if possible. I always called, but that made sense as I was in the military and her calling me wasn’t a viable option (cell phones weren’t common).

    After Mom died, I called my dad maybe once a month until he made it clear he was not a fan of the woman I married (never did figure out why). At that point, contact when to once a year; twice if there was something important going on. Still always me calling.

  16. I’m 40. I talk to my mom at least once a week. We have group chats. We FaceTime with the kids and her. I talk to my dad too but it’s more to the point. Me and my mom have always chatted a lot. My dads not a talker.

  18. Talk to my mom pretty regularly, especially since having kids. Mostly via text. Probably a weekly FaceTime with the kids. More rarely I’ll call her just to talk. Very hit or miss with my dad.

  20. Moved out when I was 13. Didn’t talk to them again till I was in my late 20’s. Now we talk every 7-8 months.

    My in-laws on the other hand, everyday. They’re cool people and I enjoy having them in my life.

  21. My partner has a great relationship with her parents. They talk probably every day, but mainly by text message. I’d estimate she talks to her mom on the phone twice a month for the sake of just talking, and I’d say it’s mainly initiated by her mother. She talks more to her dad in person. They’re quite close, that just seems like the frequency that works for all of them.

    The thread directly under this one in my Reddit feed is “ELI5: Abuse being normalized in the boomer generation,” which would be my answer to the question. I haven’t seen or spoken to my father in 20 years. I see my mother 3x a year, and I won’t take a call from her under pretty much any circumstances.

    I’m not mad about it (anymore), it’s just me setting healthy boundaries with unhealthy people. I talk to my sister daily, but we exclusively text unless it’s an emergency.

    EDIT: A lot of the answers here have been very sweet, and I’m so glad so many people have a great relationship with their folks, it’s very heartwarming 🙂

  23. Maybe every few months. I basically only text them. Hard to find times to speak on the phone and they’re both long winded. Easier to talk in person.

  24. Well first I’d hope everyone in an over 30 sub has been on their own for some time. I’d say once a week on average. Texting, nearly every day.

  25. Never, but that’s 10 years of carrying the water in any relationship with a narcissistic parent and getting tired of it. Heard they tell people that I “ghosted” them, but my phone also receives calls last time I checked.

  27. Been on my own since 18. I’m 40 now. After my Dad divorced his 3rd Wife I was mid 20’s and lived near him. We used to go get lunch at least once a week. Sometimes he would come over and hang out with me and my roommates, drink beer and play COD. We would go out to bars and day drink on my days off.
    He used to call me to pick him up from strip clubs when he got shit faced. lol

    Around 30 I got married and a week later he moved a couple hours away. Then I moved across the country. We text frequently and talk on the phone maybe once or twice a month.

    My Mother and I just recently reconnected after nearly 20 years of silence. Again maybe once a month we talk on the phone. She is not a texter. She is overly eager to make up for lost time and I’m not 100% on board to be let down again just yet. So I keep it limited. If it was her way we would talk at least once a week.

  28. I talk to my folks every day, FaceTime made life much more livable during Covid and when I lived abroad for a time. Super thankful for having an awesome, positive and healthy relationship with my folks. I hope one day to have such a good relationship with my own kid.

  29. I don’t call my mom but I usually see her a few times a week instead. We’ll usually grab a bite out for dinner at a sit down spot or she comes by and I cook for us. We just hang out, talk about our days, and that’s that.

    It’s highly unusual that I go without seeing her for any longer than a week unless I’m traveling.

  30. I call every other weekend as we live in different cities. I visit physically once a year.

  31. I talk with my mother weekly, usually.

    If you need motivation, I saw this on a podcast clip at some point.

    Person 1: How often do you see your partners

    Person 2: 1-2 times a year or so.

    Person 1: How old are they?

    Person 2: late 60s

    Person 1: average lifetime is ~76, that’s potentially 12-15 more visits left.

    —-

    Probably entirely messed up the details, but the jist is there. Hit me pretty hard at the time, and made me kick my effort up a bit.

  32. Eh…. Once a month ish. I was raised Mormon and my wife and I left about 4 years ago, while my mom and stepdad are still very resolute in their religion. I’m a leftist, socialist, pan, tattooed pothead. They…. Are not….. things have gotten BETTER between us and they respect the boundaries we have put down. Thankfully when we actually visit (they live in another state) there’s not much in the way of awkward silences anymore. That said, on top of all the differences I was also raised to be VERY independent, so once I was out of the house I didn’t really need them.

  33. I moved out at 19 and have always called my mom once a week. We’ve always set up Sunday or Monday night.

    Haven’t spoken to my dad in years.

  34. I’m in my forties and I talk to my dad on the phone once a month or so and visit in person about as often. I initiate most times. I haven’t talked to my mom in years.

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