My husband raised his hand on me three years back when we had an argument. He apologised and I also left it thinking everyone makes mistakes and I should forgive him. But after more than a year, we got into an argument and he slapped me (this happened while we were on vacation btw). I was furious and I slapped him back. I know I shouldn’t have. He kept telling me I slapped him back then how can I make this a big issue. But he also kept apologising and begging me not to tell anyone. He is very good with his words and I fell for it. But it affected me a lot mentally and I seeked therapy to get over it. I talked to him about how much this is affecting me, and he ensured this will never happen again. He even said I’ll leave you alone if I ever do this again. I believed him. Fast forward to 1.5 years, we go into an argument recently and he grabbed me by my collar and got very aggressive. I was just feeling numb. I decided I have to leave and informed both our parents about this. My parents were shook and they told me they’ll support me whatever I decide. On the other hand, his parents acted like I am making a big fuss about small issues. Their attitude made me really angry. But my husband is just apologising everyday, telling me that he won’t be able to live without me, he won’t ever raise his hand again, he won’t lie to me ever again (the argument we had this time was because he lied to me about something). He is also telling me it just triggers him when I shout at him, that’s why he lost control. But he’s just begging me to stay and I am not able to ignore it completely because I still love him.
TLDR: My husband got aggressive towards me thrice in 3.5 years and I still can’t make a decision because I still love him.