I’ve (26F) been with my boyfriend (27M) for three years. Our relationship has had absolutely no issues before this incident. He has been the perfect and most loving partner. However, last week, I came home from work to an intervention with all my close family and friends, orchestrated by my boyfriend, who has apparently convinced them I’m a drug addict.
For context, I have no history of drug use, no behavioural signs that would suggest addiction, and no reason for him to believe otherwise. I believe he knows I’m not on drugs because he has said things to my mom and sister that he knows to be untrue: that things have gone missing around the house (they haven’t), that I’ve used his credit card to withdraw money (I don’t even have his card details), and that I’ve been acting erratically (absolutely nothing out of the ordinary). When I confronted him about all of this, he said “It’s not about the drugs; it’s about making sure you’re safe"
My partner is a psychologist and has convinced my entire family I am displaying all the hallmark signs of drug addiction. They all insist I’m in denial and that I need help. No one is willing to entertain my denials at all. My mom says she isn’t willing to have me over to her house and my sister won’t allow me to see my nieces until I go to rehab.
Based on conversations with my family and friends, I believe he’s been spinning this story for several months now prior to staging the intervention.
I am super embarrassed as he organised for practically all my close friends, family, and even a work colleague attend the intervention. But more than that, I feel utterly betrayed and confused. I can’t understand his motivation for doing this. Can anyone offer me some insight as to what is prompting this otherwise normal man to do this?
TL;DR: My boyfriend falsely claimed I’m a drug addict, staged an intervention, and now all of my family and friends believe him and insist I’m in denial.
35 comments
His motivation is likely to manipulate, isolate and control you. To have the people you would go to for help no longer trust you so that he is all that’s left. Unfortunately many people go into the mental health field who enjoy preying on the more vulnerable…. But getting a drug test privately and leaving the guy would both be great ideas IMO.
Get a drug test, the hair kind, and let them all grovel with apologies.
Also dump the BF who is weaponizing his profession to isolate and control you.
It feels like he’s using you as a social experiment. Like he wants to see if he could manipulate the thoughts and narrative about you to your family and then check out their reaction. I would leave then wait a week or two before the drug test. You don’t know how far he’s decided to go. If he’s been putting these nuggets of doubt into your family for a while now then he might have been putting something else in your food to prove his point later on.
Sn: people do such weird things. Why come into someone’s life just to ruin their familial relationships????
He’s trying to isolate you from your friends and family and you need to get away from him as soon as you can.
Honestly, your boyfriend needs to go. Like if I wasn’t on drugs and my partner lied to my family like that, fucking out of here.
Get your drug tests – hair is best as drug “residue” generally can be detected for at least a month or two depending on the drug. Hell invite your family along so they can watch them take a hair sample or whatever.
THIS IS AN ATTEMPT TO ISOLATE AND UNDERMINE YOU. That no one will believe you. This will be followed by more abuse. If he is not yet abusive (apart from this move).
Please get professional help! Get a lawyer and DV institutions involved. Do something now!!
This one is easy to figure out. He wants total control over you isolate you and put you in a position where it’s just him because everybody else in your life has cut you off.
That was his plan & it’s working.
Get out now… the man is a loon.
You can’t be serious. Break up with him.
Is there some sort of Board registration that he needs to maintain in order to practice ?
Once you have the negative results from the hair tests you should consider reporting this to them. Although I have to admit he sounds dangerous so I’d think very carefully about taking this step.
But apart from that go with the hair test.
If hes gone to all this trouble to control you, i wouldnt put it past him to have slowly spiked your food/drinks with some sort of drugs to mess with any tests you do as well tbh.
Your boyfriend sounds like an incredibly dangerous person. The fact that he is a psychologist and works with vulnerable people is utterly terrifying.
I will tell you what I would do in this situation, I would tell him that if he doesn’t set the record straight with everyone involved I will contact his superiors and his governing body and tell them exactly what he did and how concerning it is that he has access to vulnerable people.
I think you should run.
Gasligthing, deceiving family and friends, accusing you of behaviour you did not commit.. Red flags everywhere.
Take a drug test and kick him to the curb, get rid of him immediately and then pay for an actual drug test, take your mom as witness through the whole thing, and then call everyone back together to explain what is going on.
You need to get rid of him or go to the police in person so this is documented somewhere.
My ex fiance tried to get me institutionalized for potential threat to myself, so there would be a paper trail to stage my death.
For you, you need to get this documented asap without waiting because if he poisons him with drugs on fake prescriptions then they will dismiss it as ‘oh she was just a junkie’.
DM me if you need advice on what to do quickly, but a. Record everything when he’s around, b. Go to police asap. Do not call, but go there in person. c. Get a full panel blood test and drug test. d. If you have time, go get an assessment by a psychiatrist elsewhere so it’s documented that you are completely stable.
This is to make sure he won’t have you placed in care against your will, but you must act fast
With this behavior he might of been spiking your drinks or food even. Dump him, block him, lawyer up. Do whatever it takes to get rid of his ass. Get tests done. Anyone willing to go along with story without getting the source of who it’s about was not truly on your side to begin with, even family.
Why is it not you ex boyfriend?
You need to leave him and you need to sue him.
Get a drug test, go to the police and be fast.
You need to report him to the board of psychologists with a clean drug test and what he did with his ‘profesional’ opinion.
You need to get out of this relationship as soon as you can.
People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder are drawn to careers like psychology because it allows them to manipulate, gain respect and have endless supply. You need to end this relationship and block him on everything, and inform your family that you are no contact with him and you expect them to be as well due to his manipulation and abuse of his position.
Your relationship has had absolutely no issues before this ‘incident’?! That just cannot be correct. This man is unhinged, or you are in total denial.
This came from nowhere? He hasn’t mentioned anything to you prior? Something isn’t right here- and if it’s simply what you say it is, and he’s been great for 3 years and this happened apropos of nothing…then I’d be very, very frightened of this man.
Embarrassed? Confused? Betrayed?
Be alarmed! He has turned your family and friends against you by feeding a false narrative and left you without a support system.
If he escalated things and decides you need to be sectioned, who do you think will take your word against his?
I so want to believe this is rage bait because it is so awful if true. If it is…
1. Break up with him. Safely. Leave when he is at work.
2. Get a lawyer and explore the concept of intentional infliction of emotional distress. Have the lawyer write him a letter demanding he come clean to your support system and refrain from further lies, or you will sue him.
3. Consider filing a complaint with the psychology board of your state.
Get out now. Don’t even think twice about it. This man will ruin your whole life if you don’t move quickly.
Pro tip: “interventions” when you don’t use drugs is just a way for someone to control you and make you look a certain way to everyone else.
Second pro tip: when a partner goes out of their way to lie to your closest people repeatedly about you, there’s nothing to salvage. It’s already over. This isn’t a healthy relationship. And it’s because of your psychologist bf. (Are you sure he’s a psychologist? Have you looked up his license and all that?)
Btw- I have seen this one time in real life. It was a wealthy couple with kids. The husband wanted to leave but didn’t want to lose everything, so he started out by confiding to his therapist about his wife’s addiction. This was all false, it was just a way to create a documented paper trail. Then he started saying random things to neighbors, family, friends, the kids. He even had a PI follow her and try to video her in such a way that she appeared to stumble. He was ultimately unsuccessful, but I think that was due to her family’s wealth.
It was frankly pretty terrifying. I get the creeps every time I see him. He’s still trying to do underhanded stuff too. These people are real and they mask very well.
#GET THE FUCK OUT NOW!
He’s manipulating your friends and family to gain total control and isolate you. He’s going to hurt you.
I can’t even… this is really really really bad.
This gaslighting makes me think that he’s been doing shady things and wants to keep the attention on you so it can be hidden.
When you are at rehab things are going to happen that are not in your interest!
It isn’t inconceivable that he would want to collect on life insurance for you or that he wants to make you less credible so he can use that to his advantage.
Girrrrl gtfo and I mean yesterday. Like, a dv shelter, they might even have resources to help you figure out wtf! Just make sure you have your important records and your money situation is safe (change your passwords etc).
Sounds like he is either crazy or he is setting you up to lose everything and be controlled by him. He knows how to do it legally. Report him to the overseeing board that provided him with his license. Lock your finances down, talk to an attorney, take a drug test and give to the attorney for your divorce case.
Call his doctor and his shrink. Call the police and have him sent him in for an immediate psychiatric evaluation so that they lock him down on a 5150 hold. Call his employer. Call his family. If he has an ex, call them all and find out his psych history with them. Turn the tables on him.
Make yourself safe
I would drug test myself just to make sure he isn’t drugging you. Change all your passwords and put all your important information in a safe space, perhaps a safety deposit box. Get away from him, his end game sounds like he is setting you up big time for something nefarious
You are in serious danger OP. Best case scenario, he’s racked up massive debt and is trying to frame you for it. But the scenarios get much worse from there. He could easily get you into a psych hold.
Luckily you’ve been given some good advice here. Have your own back and get yourself to safety. He’ll
OP I don’t think you realize how much danger you could possibly be in. Get the fuck out now.
Also, DON’T eat or drink anything he gives you. He may try to drug you or plant drugs on you. You are in danger. You need to remove yourself from this situation.
Please please please get out of there. Don’t eat or drink anything that you haven’t made or opened yourself. Don’t get tested. You don’t need to prove anything. The only thing that you need to do is get to safety and stay there.
This is a manipulative tactic. Get rid of him immediately. This is a dangerous person that is going to use their education and work influence to trap you or get you hospitalized in the future!
Don’t take a drug test and don’t go to any rehab facility. Go straight to a lawyer and then to the medical board. He might have been spiking your food/drink so that you would fail a drug test. Updateme
He is very clearly trying to isolate you from your family, friends, and help circle, and then take over control of you and your life having you dependent only to him.
This is textbook sociopathic behaviour.
So people have offered a lot of reasons why he might be doing this. Honestly they’re all bad. Like really bad. He has no good motivation for doing this. Anything from he’s going to kill you to he’s trying to have you committed. All bad.
I think this is one of those situations where you move out secretly. Do not tell him where you are going and salvage the situations you can for now. I think you contact HR at your work and you tell them you are in an abusive relationship and you prevent this from destroying your career. He involved a coworker which to me is to get you fired or in trouble with work. So I think that is the first damage control.
Do you have any friends he hasn’t contaminated yet? He’s been playing a long game like a true psycho so if you do I would reach out and confide in them that you do not feel safe and he is lying and manipulating your family.
Your family will take longer. For some reason they really really believe him, and are drawing a hard line on this. Maybe seek out a therapist that you can start to develop a relationship with and then together talk to your family members one at a time. But honestly I wouldn’t do that right away. I would give yourself time to find a new place to live and to rebuild.
He’s banking on your flailing and just trying to convince everyone you’re not on drugs. So I think you go dark and you don’t do what he has planned for you. Get somewhere safe. Do not tell him where you went. I think you can even write a letter to your family saying you are safe you’ve never done anything to make them not trust you and you are sad that they would believe the lies of your abuser. You will clear your name but until you can your safety is in jeopardy and he cannot know where you are.
Also report him to his governing body. He’s nuts.