My husband & I have been together 3 years, married 2. We don’t have a traditional marriage, compared to like our parents or some of our friends. We’re both pretty independent people. We have separate hobbies, separate friend groups & just all around separate interests. We do make time for ourselves, our boys & our families. We have found things we like doing together & things like tv shows we enjoy watching together before bed.
We both have a child (his 12, mine 7) from previous partners. We were both single parents from the time our children were conceived & this is the first serious relationship we’ve both been in since our children have been born. We didn’t live together until we got married, as we couldn’t due to his strict custody agreement.
We have separate bank accounts but we split the bills, for the most part. Until recently. I lost my job in January. I was absolutely miserable there & we decided I should take the time off through the summer & stay home with the kids. We also agreed that I wouldn’t just take the first offer that came, I should find something I really want. He owns his own business, so he can have periods of doing well & not so well. The past month – 6 weeks, we have struggled. I’ve started to look for a job sooner than we planned. No big deal, but I’m not having the best luck. I Uber when I have some free time.
We got a little behind on some bills & our rental company was threatening eviction for being a month behind. We have had some very large power bills & of course, everything is always due at the same fucking time when you’re broke.
I swallowed all my pride & asked my aunt for a small loan & she was more than happy to do so. She understands our situation & is happy to set up a repayment plan when we get back on our feet.
Now, we are caught up. But, not ahead or at a zero balance on anything.
He informed me Saturday that he paid for his buddy’s $1300 lawyer fee, knowing the dumb ass in going to sit in prison A MINIMUM of 10 years (reoccurring drug charges, failure to appear, list goes on). He did not talk to me about it. He just did it. When I got upset, he literally told me IT’S MY MONEY.
HIS MONEY
Like, we aren’t married or anything. We got into a HUGE fight, our worst one yet. He doesn’t see why I’m upset because we have bills under control now. He’s trying to justify helping out his loser, felon, drug addict friend OVER his family.
I’m literally at a loss for words.
I don’t even know how to approach the topic again without screaming & it very much so appears he still sees he did nothing wrong.
How do I make him see that this is not what a responsible husband/father should be doing?
TL;DR: – My husband paid his friends $1300 lawyer fees when we are struggling financially.