Hi, and thanks for your time.
I’m struggling to navigate the topic of attraction while in my relationship with my girlfriend.
Recently we have had an argument because my gf believes that she is only “attracted” to me. She has said that in public she appreciates the way women and men look in the same way, almost like a piece of artwork. However, she has also told me that she has had intrusive thoughts about having sex with guys, that she would say are not always attractive objectively.
When she has had these thoughts she says she feels disgust, in specific the thought is imagining that guy looking down on her in missionary and it not being her boyfriends(my) face. Do these intrusive thoughts indicate that she is attracted to men but is just in denial about it because I thought that thinking about sex with them indicates sexual attraction.
This has become very difficult for me to navigate. When I am in public, and see attractive women, I have in the past had sexual intrusive thoughts about these people, fantasising in a senses. I do not act on these thoughts and always shut them down. In general out of respect to my girlfriend I tend to not look at someone I deem attractive after the first acknowledgment.
What has me confused is that similarly to my gf who has said she used to thirst over an actor but no longer does so, I used to thirst over madelyn cline, but feel nothing when looking at her now. I still acknowledge her to be attractive but no where near in the same way.
When talking to others about this I have received feedback that women too are biologically wired to find men attractive even when in a relationship. Is it just that in public the average male is not dressed as reveallingly and is not putting nearly as much effort into looking appealing than the average women, who have been influenced by all the major beauty brands?
There have been cases where I have appreciated men in a similar way, where I have the urge to keep on looking at them, that has been in rare occasion in the gym. With guys who are very physically fit and have put effort into their appearance.
TLDR: am I sexually or aesthetically attracted to other women, and what about my gf?