I'm a 30M with ADHD, depression/anxiety, and low T, all medicated. My partner is 28F.
I'm concerned with the current state of my sex life. I just can't seem to enjoy it anymore. Additionally, I want to have a family and desire to do it naturally until I have to do IVF or adopt. I feel somewhat corrupted by porn. I'm only now beginning to internalize what a normal body looks like. Additionally, my current partner is morbidly obese (my guess >300 lbs, won't tell me how much she weighs). I find it hard to have sex when she is literally so big that I can't really find the hole with my slightly below average length. I have to struggle to get her into a position that I can actually get a rhythm in. Certain positions I find make it easier for me to stay erect, others I have a hard time with. Topping this off, I'm physically doing a lot of work to keep her in the right place. I feel this distracts me from having a good time. And then I have all the issues that come with Low T and having a hard time with climaxing.
The last 5-8 years, maybe since I've been sexually active, I have always had a hard time climaxing. Usually, normal intercourse could take me 15-20 minutes of physical action and not yield a result. Blowjobs do much better for me. I've had multiple partners during that timeframe, with only two standouts I'll call my golden girls but even with them I still had similar difficulties. Additionally, I've been masturbating since 12 and using porn and have been much quicker with my hand or toy with minimal failures.
I really don't know what to do here. My current partner and I have good chemistry outside of the bedroom. She's very inexperienced at 28 (I took her virginity last year). I'm not super confident she knows how to turn me on, though I've been more communicative of that as of late. She's not confident with her body. I frequently think about her size. Sometimes I don't think about her as a potential sexual partner.
The past few years have been a personal renaissance for me though. Two years ago, I started going to the gym and met with a nutritionist to improve my high cholesterol numbers. That has lead to performance improvements in the bedroom. I've lost a bit of weight, hoping to lose more. I'm much stronger now. I started my SNRI for depression and anxiety about 4 years ago. Orgasms during masturbation never really felt good during the onloading period, or they felt incredibly weird. My blood tests from early this year show that I've been suffering from Low T maybe since 24 (my baseline was 142 ng/dl at age 30) and are on HRT to bring up the numbers. I'm doing therapy. I work a job I love. I have a good handful of friends. A 3rd place where I play board games and enjoy good beer. I'm back on ADHD medications. Pretty much anywhere outside of my sex life I feel pretty freaking good.
I feel like the solution is going to be somewhat complicated, or I need to change some level of standards and challenge my thoughts. Maybe I'm just overthinking this? I need some other's perspectives on the issue. When did you feel like you had a satisfactory sex life?