My partner and I have been together for just over a year. We have generally had a very healthy relationship. We communicate well, we enjoy the same types of activities and love each other. We just got back from a vacation at my cabin and made the decision to move in together. We have also been discussing the future and have been talking about a wedding one day and kids.
This is where the currant issue come in. I have always wanted to be a dad, so having kids was/is a deal breaker for me. She also wants kids, but has some medical issues that will make having a natural birth very difficult and nearly impossible. She says she wants kids, but, rightfully so, is very apprehensive about it has told me that she doesn't know if she could mentally handle any sort of failure or complications. This also means that we will likely have to resort to IVF. Lately we have been meeting with doctors to confirm what she already knew and this has lead her to break down a bit and become upset. First off, I cant imagine how it must feel to be told that you will likely never have a natural birth as a women, and I am aware of her feelings and how difficult this must be.
This also brought up the issue of finances. She doesn't make a lot of money, so the cost of these treatments would fall solely on me. She has her own debt, as do I, but overall I am in a position where I can afford these treatments (although I will need to go into debt as well). That said, she also has said flat out that if she has a kid she will be a stay at home mom. Which I respect fully, but truthfully caught me off guard and I always wanted to be with someone that had a career they wanted to stay in a build. My mom was the breadwinner of my family and I always respected that so much growing up.
Based on this, she told me today that I need to think long and hard whether I want to go down this path, and that I need to be ready to face the fact that I may never be a dad.
My heart is conflicted as I love this girl but I don't know if I can face the fact I may never be a dad to my own kid. I know this is incredibly selfish of me and I am only thinking of myself, but I am wondering if anyone else has been in this position before and has any advice?
TLDR: My partner has some medical issues and likely will never have a natural birth. This has caused her to spiral a bit and she told me to think long and hard if I want to be with her or not.