Long story short, my partner and I are currently living (literally) an ocean apart from each other.
I have never been a fan of masturbating, which is unfortunate in regards to phone sex because that’s, well, how it works.
My partner has never pushed or even asked twice when I’ve denied phone sex. I’ve always felt incredibly comfortable saying no (which is more common than the alternative).
However, recently they communicated with me (very respectfully) that they feel a strain on our intimacy because of this, and that they are craving said sexual intimacy.
We then entered a very honest conversation on if there were any alternative ways we could both receive this intimacy. I have felt a gap in sexual intimacy, and I have craved it, but have not really seen phone sex as the solution because I don’t enjoy it. We could not find a compromise. They told me a million times that they don’t want me to do anything I’m not comfortable with.
The dialogue made me think a lot about why I don’t like masturbating/phone sex. I’ve always felt gross touching my own body with the specific intent of pleasuring myself. On top of that, I don’t feel like a sexy being, and why would I get all up close and personal with someone I don’t find sexy (me). On top of that on top of that, the added level of my partner perceiving me doing this thing that I find awkward and unsexy makes it feel even more awkward and unsexy.
I know that I don’t have to force myself to like something just because my partner does. I would not want to do that, as I think it would eventually cause more strain on my relationship. Like I said, I do want to feel sexually intimate with my partner, and I would like to overcome my complex around masturbating as I think it is more than just a preference but a result of some unhealthy feelings around sex. Therefore, I think I would like to see if there are any ways I can learn to enjoy masturbating and masturbating with my partner. Not just for them, but myself. However, I am open to the idea that I overcome these feelings about masturbating and still don’t enjoy phone sex, and don’t plan to compromise my boundaries if that is the case. I do feel that they are heavily interrelated, though.
Does anyone have any tips on how they overcame feelings of disgust around masturbating? Has anyone who’s been in a long distance relationship have any tips on what you both did to feel closer sexually? All help welcome!