so i spent (i was 14) two years with an online friend who was never happy with my replies and i used to spend days and nights (full hours) staring at my phone crying cause i didn’t feel the right to sent whatever message i wanted and feeling like shit cause in the first place i had self esteem problems and i felt even worse. i had a fear all day long that he would text me and i had to stop whatever i was doing to enter the staring the phone / ceiling loop being ensecure of myself and my way of being and acting as a person.
after those years he stopped texting me forever and i felt relived, in the meanwhile i had developed severe depression so i stopped going to school and became a shut in. today (i am 19, still a shut in) every time someone texts me i uncontrollably cry and stare the phone and freeze myself and am not able to reply even if i write the message i never find the courage to press “send” and i stay HOURS like that. i hate text messages with all my being. to think i used to love them.