I am 26M and have been dating my girlfriend, 22F, for about 2 months. The chemistry between us was amazing from the moment we first met; it hit every point perfectly, it seems. We both were very much equally into each other, hence it didn’t take too long for her to say the L word to me, and I immediately said it back since I do love her.
Coming to about a month into dating, while we were together in bed making out and about naked, she suggested that she’s ready to have sex with me.
Background: She’s never been naked or intimate with any of her past relationships; from what I gather from what she and her friends said, besides me, none of the guys she went out with in the past actually made that mark, which is the reason why I am the first guy she’s introduced to her friends.
So coming back, when she suggested that she’s ready to have sex with me about a month into a relationship, I told her that I would like to hold it off, mainly because I wanted to feel more deeply about her, and be it more special for her the first time we do it than just some random day.
But we’ve been intimate the other ways for the rest of the time. One thing through this time I’ve noticed is that she gets very easily startled when I randomly touch her anywhere. For example, if between making out, if I were to grab her breast, for a split second she would hit my hand away, only to hold my hand within that split second and place it back on her breast. This literally goes for any other part of her body; this is the exact same behavior.
Coming to the day before yesterday, the time and setting were all right, and we were ready to have sex. It was the first time we just grinded a bit, in which I first orgasmed. Then we decided to go for it, and at first when I was trying to enter her, she kept pushing me back with her legs. I asked her if she was okay, and she said yeah and seemed puzzled as to why I was asking this. I told her that her legs were pushing me back and she kept closing them instead of spreading them open. Then I proceeded to grab her legs and push my way inside her, and she screeched out in pain, which led me to stop. I checked to see if she was wet enough, and she was, but for some reason, it hurt her seemingly too much. So we stopped and just went back to foreplay.
Which brings me to today when we decided to give it another try. This time I made sure that we had a good amount of foreplay. I went down on her for quite some time, I even used lube, and I also eased the pain first by just using a single finger. When we tried to have sex again, again she tried to push me with her legs and close them on me. Her legs were shaking, and she couldn’t figure out why.
I later realized that she’s probably got performance anxiety or something, because years back when I started having sex, I went through it too, and it took me years to deal with it in my own way. But my girlfriend is very anxious and is a person who gets easily startled/tickled by physical intimacy, so much so that even if she’s mentally ready to do it, her body and subconscious mind aren’t.
I love this woman and I want her to completely enjoy sex with me without being anxious. What can I do to make things better and ease her into enjoying it with me?