I’m a 20m South Indian, but I don’t behave or act like an Indian. I don’t listen to Indian music or watch Indian movies. I don’t eat Indian food, I am spice intolerant and I don’t like much sweat either If you asked me to name ten Indian actors, I wouldn’t be able to. People often ask me more than once, “Are you Indian?” Some people even ask me, “Are you French?” My father’s eyes are always red and look sleepy, and whenever someone sees me, they ask, “Are you okay?” which is very awkward and uncomfortable for me. I am 6'1", weigh 70 kg, and have a white with a pink skin tone (not white like Caucasians, more like a Latin tone), and I have brown eyes that many find intimidating.
I’ve tried everything to go on a first date but have never been on one. I’ve never hugged or touched a woman, nor have I ever gone out with one. I am an extremely sensitive person, a trait I inherited from my mom. I usually don’t talk to women, which is why. However, I decided to change things in 2024. I started talking to women in college, university, parks, libraries, etc. I’ve been trying to hold my fear and approach them.
I drink, but I’m not an addict. The last time I had a drink was 1.5 months ago. When I do drink, I consume a lot of beer and vodka.
I have asked many girls out whom I met in real life, not through dating apps. Every one of them has rejected me. I also decided to start using a dating app. I get lots of likes, but after 2-3 days of texting, they either remove me or ghost me. People often tell me not to text a girl back if she makes me wait for hours or days.
Well, today, Wednesday, should have been my first date. We had decided to meet, and she texted me in the morning, two hours before the date. I was so excited to meet her and didn’t sleep well because of it. But she canceled the date, saying she was sick. I know she’s not sick!
I’ve been talking to a friend, and she didn’t come to the lecture, which made my day crazy.
At the end of the day, my project group had five people interested in the same topic, but a project team can only contain 3-4 members, so they kicked me out. When I asked my tutor facilitator, she told me I need to do the project with another group on a topic I don’t like. I am fed up at this moment. I can feel pain in my heart and mind. Sometimes I see darkness.
Since I need advice, I come to ChatGPT. Sometimes I feel like I’m really annoying! There are many people, I think, who are looking forward to my downfall.
Well I’m done living like this:)