For my whole life I've had this constant issue where I don't treat people the right way. I get a passion to get into a hobby, surround myself with people who are knowledgeable and enjoy that hobby, and then when they become "wrong" I cut them out of my life.
I'm coming into this really harsh and hyperbolic on myself despite what I'm saying not really being the truth of the situation. However, I kinda needed to get out there this cycle I've noticed myself in. Recently I've cut myself out of yet another friend group that I built up with people I considered friends. This is a repeated pattern with me, where after some time in a friendship with people I start to become weirdly uncomfortable being around them and I decide for some arbitrary reason that I don't want to be around the whole group. I keep making these weird moves where I ditch everyone simultaneously.
I did this after I left highschool where I cut contact with those friends. I had a newsletter friendgroup I cut out once I went into college. I ditched an entire discord server of friends because I couldn't stand the owner. I left all my friends in a podcasting group after I started becoming paranoid/afraid over a few people that the entire group disliked. And most recently I got into an argument with a couple of DnD friends and so ditched the server I ran and have refused to talk to any of them without some stupid roundabout way of immediate removing their ability to reply. There's other small examples on top of this.
I don't really get what it is that's wrong with me. The closest I can get to putting it into words is that I think I'm afraid of my friends or something. This doesn't really make sense given all these different groups I've mentioned have nothing to do with each other and yet I feel this strange fear of commitment, like I have to run away because things are getting too personal and rather than setting proper boundaries I just remove everything altogether. Again this is sort’ve an exaggeration of reality, but it's just frustrating myself how I've managed to live 24 years and not make a proper group of friends or just have a friend that I don't feel awkward around all the time.