So without getting too lengthy, I (30NB, 24 at the time) had a friendship years ago where the other person (32, 26 at the time) was emotionally unavailable and I was in love. It was extremely difficult worrying about their mental health and well-being, I even helped admit them to a psych hospital for two weeks when they were planning to end it. I was one of the only people they said they trusted. One day after a long disappearance (as they often did) they called me and we talked for 5 or 6 hours, laughing and joking like we always do. We promised we would talk again. Less than an hour later I got a text telling me what they thought I was doing wrong in our friendship, followed by self hate/pity, and that we “shouldn’t talk for a bit”. That turned into them going silent for 3 years, even though I tried to communicate and offer solutions/compromises to the things they brought up. But I never heard a word. I can’t even begin to describe how shattered and betrayed I felt.
Unfortunately I have OCD and my thoughts/memories tend to play on loop in my head. Whenever I think of my relationship with that person and my thoughts start to repeat, I get emotionally overwhelmed. A lot of times my brain forces itself to go through the relationship again, it can’t stop until it all plays out. Other times it’s just the same memories playing over and over. During this I sob, and shake. I feel so sad but also scared as well. I get lost in my thoughts and memories of what happened between us. It seems to be triggered by a sad memory of us. I also have to avoid sad songs because my brain will take that and run and I don’t need to be crying in the middle of Walmart lol. Is this an anxiety response or a weird type of PTSD? Is this normal sadness?
And yes, I am in therapy ☺️
TLDR: is shaking, crying, feeling scared and sad after a trying friendship and devastating break up, some type of PTSD or maybe anxiety?