If you could get past the ethics, I’m genuinely in a dilemma seeking for advice.
My birthday is coming up next week and I feel like I have to choose who to invite between the two people in the title. For some context, there’ll be around 10 close friends in my house for the celebration so it’s an intimate setting.
I have been with the fwb for a year and she’s sort of attached to me. Although I keep reminding her that we have no strings attached, she tells me she’ll feel hurt if I’ll be with someone new. She also said she bought me a gift for my birthday so there’s an expectation for her to come.
But then I recently got close to someone that I dated recently. She doesn’t know about the fwb obviously but through her friends, she has a hint that the fwb is connected to me in the past. I think there’s also an expectation for her to come cause we had a great time on our last date.
How do I approach this situation?
27 comments
You can’t logic a way to please both women. You’ll just end up hurting and losing them both.
You’ll have to choose one, the other will probably leave.
Ummm you have to tell your fwb you don’t like her like that or cut her off bc it sounds like you’re just stringing her along
U know what just start some drama and bring both, thats what i would do
if they’ll feel hurt that’s not a friend with benefits; that’s a friend with hopes.
You technically will have to still “break up” with the fwb if there’s a connection with the new person. Just cut the loss now and don’t hesitate. It’ll help her too as she needs to move on as well then.
Cut off the fwb. She’s overstepping boundaries by keeping this up when she feels this way about you. You’re going to hurt her no matter what, the choice is hurting her less now or more later. It’s irresponsible to let this keep going, on your part and on hers.
You’ve gotten too close with the FWB. If you hadn’t, you could put it on hold. But you have, so end it. Especially since you’re dating someone now.
If your Fwb has caught feelings you should probably disengage. It feels cruel but in the end it’s probably kinder. But don’t ghost her. Please be honest and kind.
Dude, stop keeping people around you who a want more while you dont. Thats shitty as fuck.
Its time for you to stop seeing the fwb.
Neither..
I mean, one is a fwb while another is your ex?
Why would you call either of them on your birthday party? Idk..I wouldn’t.🤷🏻♀️
Then again, if the second person isn’t actually an ex but someone with whom you had a few dates AND still think of maybe getting involved with – then you call her. That seems kinda obvious.
End it with the fwb now before it interferes with the girl your dating
Don’t invite either of them. What a mess
Don’t take either. You are better off taking someone you barely know that you aren’t involved with
If you’re also attached to the fwb (now referred to as friend with hope) then you should draw a boundary for this event and don’t invite her but maybe make some time for her the day before – for quality time and to receive your gift.
But the person you’ve dated recently I don’t see a reason to invite them. If they’re an ex, then they aren’t an ex for a reason.
Don’t put up with ANY drama on your birthday. And don’t lead people on!
Then after your birthday party you need to speak to the fwb and define the relationship if you want to keep that going.
Or the opposite and use this event as a time to make it official with fwb..
Both. You seem to want them both in your life, so why should your Bday- the day when it IS all about you- be any different?
Don’t invite either one. Spend the party with your friends and plan something else with your romantic partners
Choose the one you like most. The grass usually isn’t greener on the other side.
well you broke rule #1 of FWB. That’s the only problem I see here.
Dude the girl you are dating! Like this is a question that you already know the answer. You’re gonna have to cut off you FWB. Even if it hurts her
Kinda fucked situation, sometimes we do these things to ourselves
This is so fucked
Do you want to take things further with the date.
The date will need to find out about the fwb or you end things with the fwb to be with her.
Either way it seems like you caan only choose one.
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Are you currently dating them or not? Because then this should be an obvious answer
Neither unless you are interested in the one you just went out with. The FWB is too attached. She has already told you so. She wants more.
Ooooh this happened to me, I was the FWB. He has a birthday party and he invited the new girl he was interested in. It was cordial but I got the clear sign that we weren’t going to be intimate anymore after that party, she was all over him.
We are still friends today. But also, I wasn’t emotionally attached to him.
Your case sounds dangerous if both parties are interested and willing to compete.
Do the “Fwb” a favour and let her go.
From the little you’ve explained it’s very clear she has strong feelings for you, and if you’re not going to do the respectful thing and even acknowledge she exists at minimum to your now ex (who you evidently still want to be with btw), then you shouldn’t be towing her along for a ride where ultimately, all she is going to get, is hurt.
Imo, do what you want for your birthday party. Your avoidance of ethics has gotten you into this situation, might aswell learn from it too now that you’re here.