I (24F) am married to my husband (29m). We’ve been together for 6 years and married for 5, and he is definitely not the man I married any more. We are struggling on every front and I’m at a loss. We have two kids both under school age and just bought a hose. We are struggling with money, communication and intimacy. But he has become emotionally and has been physically abusive in the past. I’m not a perfect person either and when we first got married I had a very short temper with everything.
When we first got married it started almost immediately we didn’t really have a honeymoon phase. 6 months into marriage I became pregnant and he had to leave for work and was gone for 10 months. And the whole time I was pregnant he was gone and all we did was fight over the phone. I worked as a waitress and I would do my makeup he said it was because I was flirting with another guy I worked with which is just not true. He came home right before I gave birth to our first which was a great week and then it went even more down hill.
I’m pretty sure I was suffering from server PPD and he became so angry every time I let him know how I was feeling I was crying myself to sleep and he would call me weak. And I was scared to tell anyone how depressed I was because he didn’t want to deal with therapy and he threatened to leave me if I sought help. Then things got to a head when I didn’t agree with him he would hit me in the head as if knocking on a door to “knock some sense into me”. One night he had to work a night shift and I told him we were low on formula and I could walk down to the store that was less than a mile away in our small town and he lost it he pulled me off the couch by the hair and started to hit me repeatedly calling me a dumb bitch. And that was when I left him for the first time, I put a restraining order on him and cut off communication until our court date.
I drop the restraining order a month later and we are back in communication and he wants to seek marriage counseling to try and fix things and I agree. I worked on my temper and I had called him name which I worked on myself and no longer do. And things were great we were back together with in a couple of months and things were great for the next two years. And then it started again after I had our second. He refuses to help with minor things around the house like dishes or even watching the kids so I can get stuff done. He also struggling at work. And minor arguments start breaking out again.
Last year we bought a house and get a fresh start and now we are struggling financially. I can’t get a job because we can’t afford child care and he doesn’t want anyone else to watch our kids. We haven’t been on a date night since our first kid was born. We are drowning in debt. A week ago I was trying to creat a budget and everything that gives me a little enjoyment he wants to cut the subscriptions that I watch some shows on and what not , so I told him to cancel the most expensive one and two more lower priced ones we don’t use much that left two. But when I suggest some things he could cut to save money he refuses. Then he says I’m a controlling bitch and I am making us broke on purpose. Mind you I didn’t even have access to our back account till like 5 months ago and none of the credit cards are In my name.
Things get heated and he tells me that if I married any other person they would’ve kicked me to the curb a long time ago. No I am not perfect I am human but I have given everything to him. I’ve had two kids, never cheated, always have supported his goals. Now I am just an uneducated unemployed stay at home mom lost in life. Everything I am and have has been given to him. I grew up with an alcoholic father and my mother left him so not the most stable environment but I really worked on myself these past years and no matter how complacent I am, no matter how many times I’ve shut my mouth against what he says to me I can’t keep him happy. Every time I make a suggestion or try to tell him something he tells me to shut the fuck up. I could be the perfect house wife with everything done when he gets home and would still tell me something I did wrong. And there is so much more I could say about how paranoid and controlling he is but this would be way too long as if it’s not already.
I’m broken hearted and feel like I can’t leave I have no family to support me and I lost all of my friends because of him. I’m crippled with anxiety every day and I’m scared he’s going to start being physically abusive again. And I honesty don’t know what to do at this point but honestly I don’t think I will ever be happy with him again.