For context, I am black and relatively curvy and my husband is white. We've been together for 5 years and married for one. All of his exes and past hooks ups from my understanding are petite white girls with brown hair. I am the first deviation from his type in any way. I haven't known him to watch much porn or be a super sexual person especially in comparison to me who is much more experienced.
(I'll bring this back to porn preferences but first some background) We've had a rough couple of months (and honestly an overall rocky relationship).
I have had a gut feeling for years that I am not his type or who he really wants which was more based on personality and interested and in recent times has felt true for the physical.
Recently we have opened ourselves up to seeing other people. He hasn't met up with anyone but did connect with a girl on OF who was, you guessed, it a petite brunette. One night we were having sex and he kept looking at his phone, turns out he was trying to look at her pictures to make himself cum which he justified because I wasn't kissing him.
Fast forward I started to notice that he has been searching for a watching porn with girls of this same type with me in or out of the home. He searches for specific actresses by name and l've learned he's searched for these same people for years. He also specifically looks for teen porn. An important add is that he also has a hidden folder FILLED with images of me.
I am definitely not anti-porn and we've even watched it while we fooled around. I tend towards lesbian porn (like a lot of women straight or gay) and don't need them to look like me but when I watch straight porn I only look for interracial couples that resemble me and my partner.
I'm not sure what to make of this, if anything. But I keep running back in my head our different intimate moments and second guessing the whole thing and if this contributes to the multiple times l've gone and cried in the bathroom after sex for feeling like it didn't matter if I was there or not – at the time I chalked it up to inexperience and only learning from porn..
Does this mean my partner might not prefer me physically? Could this contribute to our very slow sex life?