First of all I deeply appreciate everyone, who takes their time to read this through. Even just you reading it is amazing for me. I'm 15M and live in Central Europe. When I was in primary school I naturally had good social skills. My confidence was just right, I always joked about every little thing and had a few good friends and a best friend. I'm not lying when I say most of the girls in my class liked my looks and personality to some extent. I didn't even realize back then, but a few of them were giving me very obvious hints. I even got messages that they like my personality.
At the end of 6th grade it was time for me to go to a six-year secondary school. Unfortunately I went totally alone, because all my friends went to a different school. Originally my best friend wanted to go to the same school as I did, but eventually his parents wanted him to go to a math-focused school and we separated.
So 7th grade came in the new school and for some reason I decided to be a bit quieter and my interest in making new friends dropped. I just felt like I didn't belong in the class. A lot of people already had some friends, but not me. There were a couple of people who sat next to me and I would talk to them, but I just didn't feel quite right… like I was a different person than before… and we didn't really become friends.
And 8th and 9th grade came… 3 years
It's painful to write this. But I didn't make any friends. Not a single message from any of my classmates during this summer break. Throughout these grades I became sort of the quiet classmate. Which is completely the opposite of what I used to be and what I usually am at home with my close family. My social skills gradually declined and I developed anxiety when I'm around people. And a large portion of that anxiety comes from something I'll talk about next.
My face and facial expression naturally started to look very serious, mad or sad over the years, even when I'm not feeling or thinking about anything. Now don't get me wrong I actually think I have an above average face in terms of attractiveness minus the facial expression. But this condition undermines that. I found out it's actually a condition called RBF (resting beach (yes the bad word) face). It's only present, if I'm around other people than my close family (but sometimes even when no one is around). So classmates, strangers and lately even my family. This makes me look very unfriendly. And no, it's not something that's just in my mind. I've heard it countless times from different people that I look like this. What I absolutely hate about this, is that it's like an instinct. I literally cannot control it. Like I'm in fight or flight mode. My face just does this around people and I feel so ashamed. This causes me social anxiety which makes me look worse… and you see how this cycle goes…
I think this is a large part of the reason why I didn't really open up to other people. I just can't express my real personality, knowing I look unapproachable. But even if I started to be like what I was in primary school minus my facial expression, I just couldn't be like it. I changed. Went from the guy who was confident and always talking in class to someone who's phlegmatic, looks frightening and doesn't say anything. The only reason I'm comfortable in saying these things is because I got used to being like this. Which is not good…
Literally the only thing I'm looking forward to this school year is pursuing my passions, which is starting bodybuilding and learning more about space.
Thank you very much for reading this. I'm sorry if I came across hopeless, I'm really not I'm just asking for genuine advice. Please let me know what you think I should do and what you would do if you were in my position. You can DM me if you want. That helps.