Truly it feels like the first time in my life it’s all my fault. How do I find the fuel to get better when I can’t hate the person?
I just got out of a relationship that I self admittedly made toxic. I’ve been through relationships before. Good and bad and toxic from both sides. I’ve even idolized people. But this one I got out a pen and paper and wrote out our whole relationship. I know everyone has there flaws but the amount of effort she put in after all my lies and what I did I understand why she has moved on. Typically with past exes I can say forget them, what they did was terrible this that and the other. But with her I can’t say eff you in my head. So coping and motivation has been tough without that fire burning. I wrote out that I have work to do and need to be a better person so nobody gets hurt like I have her. But I’ve been struggling with daily living because I lost such a good person. I’ve never had to process a break up like this.