Basically the title.
I (23F) have, on multiple occasions, brought up to my bf (27M) that I want to go on more dates. i love being out and about making memories. it is pretty important to me to go on one date once a month. We usually go once every ~2-3 months. The rest of the time we stay home, stare at screens (tvs, phones, video games) smoke weed and order doordash or cook dinner. i don’t even like smoking weed that often anymore, but i do it to make what we are doing more fun since i would go stir crazy if i was sober.
we would have days off lined up, he would promise a date, i wait around for him to bring anything up about it, and it never happens. or if i suggest to go out spontaneously or even for tomorrow when we have days off, he would groan about it because he needs to “mentally prepare” for it.
last night, i broke down to him about it. the day before he says “we’ll go out on a date soon, maybe we can go to the park or go out somewhere to eat”. i get excited cause the next day is our days off, we don’t have anything to do so yay we can spend time together! he then gets a text from his friends and says “i might hang out with my friends tomorrow”. damn. okay, i’m letting him go, i’m not going to be controlling. his friends never follow up the next day so i’m sitting around waiting to see if i should go home or not and by then the entire day was wasted. i was annoyed, frustrated, and tbh emotional as hell since i’m a bit hormonal atm. he was immediately defensive after i cried about it and even expressing my guilt in feeling the way that i felt, but he was saying that he doesn’t have the money to take us out, that i didn’t communicate i wanted to go out today (that was a miscommunication on my part i guess… his “soon” didn’t mean tomorrow), that he’s trying to get his life together and save up so why am i pressuring him to do this.
there’s a lot more to it: my friends all moved away so i don’t get to see them or hang out with them so i miss them severely, my family is 5 hours away from me so i can’t go and see them, and again we don’t go out often. im in grad school so it’s just school work repeat. i feel stressed and lonely. dates are important for me to feel loved and i don’t really get that from him.
i’m probably overreacting. and no im not codependent, i love time to myself and i prefer it sometimes. i don’t depend on him emotionally. i just want to be shown love in the way i want to be loved. and no, money is not an issue because all of the money we spend on doordash could be used elsewhere. i love being at home too just not all the time. i should also say that when we do go out, 90% of the time it was planned by me.
all that to say, i’m going to show myself that love by doing a solo date. after work i am going to go to my local art district, hang out at the coffee shop, go to thrift stores, and visit the art museum. i’m going to dress as if i were going on a date; do my makeup, the whole shebang. i’m so excited. but i have a feeling he’s going to be angry at me.
sighhhh…if only it wasn’t like pulling teeth.
TL;DR: bf (27M) is not fond of planning or going out on dates, so i (23f) am taking myself out on one.