Lately I’ve been really confused on how I feel about my boyfriend, and the feeling of love in general. I would put more of an explanation but I feel like the letter covers it all. Is this letter a kind/gentle way to get my point across to him? I’ll give it to him after we have an in-person conversation, so he remembers everything we spoke about.
//I’ll explain things further using slashes if needed//
[Name], hey. I know you’re probably really upset right now, and I’m sorry. I wish there was a way to do this without hurting your feelings. I’m also sorry for doing this right now with everything going on with Fifi //his cat, who is reaching the end of her life//, I’ve been sitting on this for a while (if 3 weeks is considered a while lol). Not to say that this whole time I’ve been unhappy, that is definitely not the case, can I just say I’ve been unsure? Like sometimes I’m so so happy to be with you, and other times I’m not. [Name], listen to me, really take this in, this is not your fault and completely out of your control. There is nothing (not-a-thing) that you could’ve done to prevent this. Again this is not a break, not a break up! This is a break that I 100% intend to come back from if you do too of course lol. I need time alone to figure myself out, why I’m feeling this way, because I am just as confused as you are. Here are the things that lead to this convo in the first place:
• Endless apologies/approval seeking: [Name], I really care about you, but you apologize for so many things, it feels like you’re just constantly seeking my approval, and it’s exhausting. I hate the need to make you feel better about every little thing. I know we’re different people, but I don’t do that nearly as much as you do, and if I do, it’s because I’m apologizing for being late or not texting you back. I just feel like you’re much more dependent on me emotionally than I am on you.
• This is cringe but, I saw a TikTok of this girl crying because her BF was going on vacation for 9 days, about how much she was gonna miss him. I just realized that if you went on vacay, I definitely would not cry like that. I would miss you (duh), but not to the extent that just the thought of you leaving would make me cry like that. It just feels wrong to me that I don’t feel that way about you, because I want to feel that way about the person I’m supposed to love
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• Obviously, I’ve been growing more distant lately, it’s because I need space and it’s not fair of me to lead you on like this & pretend I’m 100% happy when I’m not.
There was no easy way to do this [Name], I’m sorry. I do really care about you, I wouldn’t have introduced you to my family if not. I’m just really confused as to why I’m unhappy when you’re all I’ve ever dreamed about. It just leads me to believe something’s wrong with me, and I need to work on and fix it before I can give my 100% to the relationship. I’m really jealous of how easy this is for you & everyone else it feels like I’m the only one that struggles with this—this isn’t the first relationship where I felt like this, I’m sorry I really thought I changed. I’m not going to be seeing anyone during this time apart —not that I’m worried about it— but I don’t want you to either. this is not a breakup hello?! We’re still together we just won’t be talking. Also, please don’t text me unless you really really need me, like not unless something terrible happens. I need this time apart to be alone apart not “still texting just not hanging out.” We can check in at the end of every week, if you’d like. I care about you a lot [Name], which is why I’m doing this in the first place. I want to be the best person I can be so we both can be happy. I think it’s worse for me to pretend like everything’s okay & continue on being distant & have you feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Sorry if this came off as rambling, I didn’t really have a plan for how I was going to write this. Also, my handwriting sucks, shut up!
You mean a lot to me, & I appreciate you. Mwah, see you soon!
TL;DR i want to go on a break with my boyfriend because i want to figure my feelings out alone, is this a kind/gentle way to get this my point across to him?