(25F 31M together 1 year)
(I know people have different opinions on this and I welcome honesty but if you don’t have something nice to say please don’t say it, this is a vulnerable and sensitive topic for me.)
My boyfriend’s instagram algorithm/explore page is like 80 percent half naked girls and it triggers something in me. Sometimes I’ll open up his youtube and the whole recommended row of shorts is also pretty girls. Thinking about it makes me feel insecure and like I’m not good enough to him. It makes me wonder why he feels the need to lust after others while he’s with me and makes me wonder if he’s just settling since he’s not satisfied for some reason. I’ve always felt like I’m a pretty attractive girl but I’ve never felt so ugly sometimes.
We had a talk before about his instagram following and how he followed so many girls and thirst traps made me feel uncomfortable and insecure. He got a little defensive but later unfollowed a lot of them so I thought he understood how it made me feel. I really don’t want to be controlling or irrational, and I’ve tried so hard to be okay with it but I genuinely cannot get over it. I understand finding other people attractive, I just don’t understand needing to follow them and lust after them habitually or feed into the attraction you have.
I tell myself everything from it doesn’t mean anything, to it’s just soft porn. But another part of me wonders, if he has a lust issue, will this become a problem down the line? Will he eventually become unsatisfied with me or he can’t help himself one day? Especially if we’re going to grow old together, my body will change. Will he prefer the bodies of the girls he constantly looks at? It also really makes me question what kind of person he is, regularly objectifying people and giving off shallow. And I worry if he fully respects women, and how we could have a healthy relationship if he might not respect me as a person.
He’s not perfect but I know he genuinely cares for me, he takes good care of me, does a lot for me and tries to improve. I can genuinely feel his care for me, but when this issue came up, it was mostly brushed off so I was left trying to deal with it and my insecurity with it. This leaves me feeling uncared for and unheard, and really emotionally disconnected from him.
I feel like so many people have different opinions on this and I think it boils down to what my boundaries are. Because as much as I try to be okay with it, deep down it always hits something deep in me. I feel like he sees the issue completely different, hence him getting defensive bc he doesn’t see an issue with what he’s doing which is valid for him. I think a part of me is scared that maybe if I voice my boundaries again it means the relationship will have to end. I guess I’m running to reddit and want to get some of it off my chest bc I’m not fully comfortable bringing this up to him yet and I don’t know how to exactly.
tldr: my boyfriends ig habits make me insecure and I don’t know how to address it