She’s closer in age to me (both in 20s) than my older brother (mid 30s) and we’ve been kind of close. We have similar tastes in almost everything and talk a lot whenever we meet. I found her great. My parents and hers try their best to separate us at parties lol. If anything, I always found my older brother distant and the age gap meant he was mostly away while I was growing up. My sister in law loved enquiring about my ex girlfriends and celebrity crushes. But I never took it seriously.
My elder brother is out for work at a different country now. All of a sudden my sis in law started becoming even more close to me. She will send me her photos and ask how she looks in different dresses. Again I just reply normally like “great!” and “lovely!”. She asked me to take her out and I kept making random excuses. But she knew I was lying and I finally took her out. While we were at the movie theater she started holding my hands and I had no idea what to do. Thought it would be rude to tell her not to do that. We had a good time and I dropped her at her home. She asked me to come in, but I said I had some work to do.
A few days later, she asks me to visit her as she’s feeling alone. I go there and she comes out all dolled up. She asks me for a drink and all of a sudden she says that she wishes she waited a bit and feels like she married the wrong person. I didn’t know how to react and she ended up crying. I consoled her and she said she finds me the better “she says our last name”. She then tells me to not tell anyone about this and I promised her not to. She again holds my hand and we watch something on Netflix. She says she kind of always liked me and thought we had a connection. Again I had no idea how to react.
She visited my place and asked if she could stay for a bit and hang out with me. I said fine and we talked about our college years. She said she wishes she met me a few years ago before marrying my brother. I said I always enjoyed her company too. We went out for dinner and she said my brother hasn’t been talking with her much these days for whatever reason. And she doubts he’s ignoring her on purpose. I said I don’t think he would do that. She says maybe she will divorce my brother when he returns back if things get worse and he keeps behaving like that.
I feel like I’m caught up in this pickle. I don’t want to hurt either of them. I can’t even stop seeing her after how close we’ve become. Sorry for long post!
27 comments
You need to remove yourself from this situation unless you want to ruin your relationship with your brother (and possibly parents and whoever). She needs to sort her life out, but don’t get yours blown up to help her do it.
Hard stop. Don’t hang out with her alone at all ever. If she wants to divorce her brother, let her do that, and then later if you want to pursue something with her, do that.
This is all kinds of shady though, and you should not let her put you in the middle of it.
Especially since she said, “if things get worse and he keeps behaving like that” which means currently she has no plans to divorce. She is lonely. She is regretting she married him because she is alone and he’s not communicating enough with her. But you are. You’re tangible, you reply to her texts. You’re filling an emotional void. If you go with this, when he gets back, she will change her tune real quick, I promise. It’s not worth it.
I’d tell my brother that she’s worried about the relationship.
Whatever you do, don’t go out to dinner with her, take her to the movies, hold hands, engage in situations where you’re alone together or….oh damn, too late.
“I don’t know what to do” is bullshit. You’re a hair away from screwing based on your description. And, as far as I can tell, equally responsible for the current situation. Stop responding to her altogether. My guess is that their marriage won’t last much longer either way but at least you won’t be alienated by your entire family by screwing your brother’s wife.
It’s a slippery slope bro.
Stop speaking to her, stop going out together and tell your brother what’s going on.
Even if their marriage was a mistake and they ultimately get divorced DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HER, DO NOT FUCK, DATE OR MARRY HER. You will literally destroy your relationship with your brother and perhaps with your entire family.
This isn’t a unique situation. I’ve read at least 10 posts on Reddit like this and it ALWAYS ends in disaster.
Naughty naughty dude!
What the fuck are you doing, man? Stop talking to her one on one, period. In public, say the barest minimum to keep up appearances. Keep it extremely polite and almost formal.
Did it not occur to you that something was wrong when both of your families were trying to keep you apart?
Why the hell are you playing into this? Clearly flirting with her at family events, taking her on dates, letting her hold your hand, going round to each others 1 on 1.
I mean this your brother’s wife, I know you think you haven’t done anything yet but you’re scum.
Stop talking to her, tell your brother and face the consequences
With brothers like you, who needs enemies?
Please dont fuck her dude. Please. Just stop associating and smoke a joint. She is hot… i know. But your brother and her have shit to sort out. Let a few years pass if you simply CANNOT resist. And have some conversations with him then. Not now. Separate yourself. Then if she truly loves you … down the road … yall can all sort it out AS SINGLE PEOPLE. ALL 3 SINGLE AND YEARS REMOVED! But try your best to just not associate ever again. She will do the same thing to you, btw. Sincerely, a guy who had to remove himself from my own Sister in law’s (brothers wife) life because she was a little too…. “Excited” to hang out with me. They are separated now and me and my brother are still good. Im married and happy. It works out if you just leave her life altogether.
Stop enabling her. you keep saying you don’t know how to react or don’t want to be rude but you need to put your foot down and create some space
Why would you do this to your brother, remove yourself from this damn situation, it’s not worth it for a woman who seems willing to cheat at any given second
>I don’t want to hurt either of them.
No it should be “I don’t want to hurt my brother and betray him” cut her off because let me tell you if you do make a move best believe it won’t only be your brother that you’ll be losing but most likely your whole family as well and whatever respect they have for you.
Millions of women in the world and you wanna go for your brother’s wife? Are you that desperate? Have you failed to get a woman yourself and now his wife is pretty much throwing herself at you and you’re willing to risk it and for what? You’re a shit brother, you and his wife are both disgusting and sick.
Is it really worth ruining your relationship with your brother? If you do the right thing and remove yourself from this situation and stop spending time with her and flirting with her then the next step is to tell your brother what she’s said so he knows what type of thing he’s married too.
you need to stop hanging out with her. just stop. you know its wrong and its crossed so many lines
Ewwwww and I’m a bi woman. She’s probably not getting enough attention or the type of care and affection she wants from your brother. But that is not your problem. In this, it doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything to keep her away from you other than not saying anything. You need to tell her off. I graduated with someone who is married to their brother’s ex and he is the butt of many, many jokes. Do yourself and your family a favor and cut her off.
You don’t say anything about your feelings because you know we’d call you out. But I think you feel something for her too, if you have let it get this far. If you don’t cut her off you’re no better than her, a cheater. Seems she’s already emotionally cheating on YOUR BROTHER with YOU. Don’t ruin your reputation and family
Lol I was so waiting for the “and then she unzipped my pants and started sucking my dick and I didn’t know how to react and thought it would be rude to say no”
I guess that’s coming in the update eh?
you’re using the wrong head if you don’t know what to do. use the other one and untangle yourself.
great advice from the other folks. don’t be TA.
What the fuck is wrong with you mate? Back away from this shitshow and stop interacting with her outside of family gatherings. There is no way this ends well for you, you’ll end up being hated and disowned by your whole family. Just draw a line.
she has the itch when your bro is not around. what makes you think she will not do it to you?
“I didn’t know how to react”
Did your parents teach the word ‘No’?
My dude, she wants to blow up her marriage and do as much collateral damage as possible. She probably also genuinely likes you, and is fantasizing about it all working out, but I am 100% sure that she is 100% sure flirting with you will exact some kind additional of revenge on your brother and/or the memory of her failed marriage.
Every time she says she likes you, she is saying “I like you AND I want to destroy your brother’s entire life.” Do you really want to be with someone who is completely numb to whether your family’s life is destroyed?
Shut it down completely right now and call your brother.
Dude, she is your BROTHER’S WIFE!!!!
She holds your hand and you don’t know what to do? LET GO
She invites you in and confesses, and you keep her secret! ARE YOU MAD?
Doesn’t matter if you and your bro aren’t close, that is a married woman. Have some decency and go find a single woman if you are lonely, and go somewhere else with your weak justifications.
There is no pickle, she invites you, you reject her and keep her away from you.
STOP MAKING EXCUSES.
So you are already embroiled in an emotional affair with your brother’s wife. That’s pretty scummy of you.
My advice is to stop playing dumb and pit a stop to this asap. The fact that your parent’s have to pull you away from each other at family functions should’ve clued you in at how inappropriate this is. But no, instead you crank it up and start taking her out on dates and talking about your brother behind his back while she tells you how much she wants you instead.
Jfc.
Man, you’re such a piece of shit. It’s hilarious that you can’t see this.
Really? You came here expecting what? You know what you should do. But you won’t since you’re weak.
So go ahead, bang your sister in law, when the rest of the family discovers and you become a pariah, return here to update us, so we can laugh at you.
A pickle? Are you for reals? Stop all contact with this woman! Even sending you the dress pictures was extremely inappropriate and you should have ended it all then. Respect your brother and stop being a dumbass
This is a very delicate, very complicated situation. There’s a way to get out of this, relatively unscathed, but it all truly depends on what YOU want, OP. That’s the only thing that matters here. Depending on that, you have a few options.
If you want to be with her too, and I mean it, seriously.. not just because it’s what she wants.. then you need to be *extremely careful*. Do not cross the line here. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, do not do it. This will set you up for a healthy relationship built on integrity. This is valuable. Moving forward, set proper boundaries, have real conversations. This will show you her true intentions. Because I have the feeling that she’s just lonely in her marriage and you seem like the easier option, not that she truly wants to be with you (this isn’t a dig on you OP, just that it seems to be more about her and what’s going on with her than it is about the two of you).
If you don’t want to be together, you need to be *even more careful*. Because you’d be setting yourself up big time. Stop the dates (because that’s what you’ve been doing, is dating), stop the texting, think of her, and set boundaries with her, as if she’s your actual sister. Stop letting her lead the interactions. Tell her that while you like her as a person, that you enjoy spending time together, this needs to stop because this is going way too far. That you’ll support her to get out of her marriage, that you’ll still be friends, but that this will go no further. You don’t need to justify this.
If you have any respect and love for your brother then stop playing “husband” to his wife. She obviously has feelings for you and you keep appeasing her it’s only gonna get worse if you keep playing with fire. Stop with the you don’t know how to react you do but you keep playing games. If you want a relationship with her which would be (rude and if i were your brother i would cut contact with you) then wait to see if they get a divorce then approach your brother about seeing her. You need to limit your interactions with her and set boundaries with her. Y’all are both at fault. Her for trying to engage and you for playing along with whatever intentions you have. Imagine of your brother was doing this stuff to you how would you like it. If he’s having marital problems let them figure it out and just be supportive you are really pushing the line with these actions. You can be better than that.