My wife recently told me that she feels "unsafe", both emotionally and physically, at some times and I'm looking for a book that could help me understand what exactly it is that I'm doing or not doing and positive ways to change that behavior. This would be in addition to couples and individual counseling.
For some explanation for relevance: The emotional safety is easy enough, I'm not doing things to help make her feel that she can be emotionally vulnerable to me, or I'm doing things to hurt that. The physical is more complicated. I grew up in a household with trauma, as did she to a lesser extent, I was raised by an alcoholic father and a mother with severe anxiety and depression. As a result, I have anxiety issues myself and problems dealing with emotions and anger, especially sudden increases of emotion; 1 have a short temper and frequently have to step away from a situation. To be clear, I have never done anything actually approaching physically harming someone, but she was physically abused as a child on at least one occasion and she "knows how quickly a fit of rage can turn bad", as she put it.
So I'm looking for something that may help to explain both sides of this issue, overwhelmed by options, hoping someone in a similar situation has a personal recommendation.
Thank you.