For sometime I was in this friend group at school and tbh i always felt out of placed. Everyone else already knew each other and hung out but it was finally nice to feel included in something and i figure I get closer with them as the months went by. but really nobody seemed interested in interacting with me on an individual level. I tried to make conversations but nobody really seemed as interested. i try everything to start something how was ur day?/how was break?/how was work?/have u seen this show?/any new shows recently for u? and it just be so cold and dry it's fine/nothing much/no/not really and sometimes i get the occasional chuckle in their responses so it seems "less" dry. sure we had great times together and hung out but trying to interact with them felt so split. Sometimes i would have fun with them sometimes it just be dryness, awkwardness and being cold. only things i knew would be a guarantee hit in conversation starter was gossip which fine i love to shittalk and gossip too but I want more fulfilling conversations, more positive conversations, more silly ones. especially when summer it i really tried to maintain contact with them but nothing seem to stick and final nail on the coffin were these people in the friend group would easily seem a whole lot more interested and enthusiastic when talking to others, they would go more into detail, they would ask them questions, etc. it felt as though I was more interested in the relationships than they were so I figure to just let them go be appreciative and glad that a friendship of some sort with these people did happen and move on to new friends who I felt fit my vibe more and were a lot more interested in who I am and wouldnt give me dry responses. even if it meant going back to square one of not really having friends.
But then a person in the friend group invited me and others to hang out and i felt flattered? but also like i don't want to go. why am I invited? everyone else in the group I know hang out with each other still and text with each other, so why I am being invited since the main organizer of this hangout never really checks up on me individually. And the only time they were the first to say something to me it was to ask questions about upcoming semester and how it was stressing them out. i remember this individual respectively also shaded some other friends in group chats about how they feel excluded from their other friends. maybe i wouldn't mind the direction i was taking with this friend group, i already planned on moving on from these people since it was clear they weren't as interested in maintaining a relationship with me and that was fine but this one person still inviting us out in the group chat with me in it and making posts about how much they love our friends makes me conflicted. Like if i am ur friend and u love ur friends why havent you checked up on me or just left me on read for weeks when I tried to maintain a conversation i started with you. I feel as though I am only an attachment of the group. They like my energy, my people pleasing attitude, how I am quick to respond, I try and maintain conversation, try my best to be interested and hear others out, i don't judge really on the outside, but don't care enough to learn about me. That im an individual as well who also craves for the same energy back. I am just there I feel as though to be some token background friend.
this hangout too is somewhere really fun. and im like why invite me?? i don't talk to you that much even because you didnt seem interested.