I've never had sex or dated anyone, and now I'm 20. I had some intense crushes in high school, and I felt what I thought was "love"—wanting to hug the person or just be around them. But I never felt any desire for sexual interaction. This has made me wonder if I might be asexual.
When I try to imagine myself having sex, it feels as uncomfortable as imagining my sister doing it (which is just… ew). So, I’ve considered that I might be asexual. But I’m not sure if I feel this way because I'm actually asexual, or simply because I've never had sex before and don't know what it's like.
I’ve come to terms with the idea that I might be single for the rest of my life, and I’m okay with that since I don’t seem to have any sexual desire. But I do sometimes wonder if I’m missing out on something. Am I wrong? I still have crushes, so maybe it's possible to develop those feelings into something more? But I’m hesitant to date someone without knowing what I truly want. I don’t want to find myself in a situation where I’m expected to have sex, whether I’m asexual or not, or refusing to have sex with a partner who desires it.
That's why I've always avoided dating, but now I’m left questioning if I'm making the right decision. How do I figure out what I really want ?