Almost 2 years ago my current girlfriend ghosted me.
We met at school and clicked really well. But about 3 months after seeing each other she ghosted me out of nowhere and never made an effort to come back to me.
She did this for reasons I don't have any control over (aka nothing to do with me) but what she did still hurt me very badly. For context I didn't want to date anyone in high school since I saw it as a little ridiculous and I had 0 luck with girls. So what she did was extremely painful to me. It hurt my self esteem and self worth to the point the mild depression I was in became very severe and my emotional abilities became extremely stunted to this day (inability to express sadness, not allowing myself to be happy, letting people walk all over my emotions, ect. All things that weren't unavailable before)
Fast forward a year (November 2024) I was very happy, but I still wanted to know why what happened, happened. So on a spur of the moment I messaged her just to figure out what happened. I expected either A. She and I talk about what happen and go our separate ways or B. She continues to not message me (which I was ok with) and I go on with my life. Lo and behold she messaged back and I after talking we went on dates and eventually got together.
I'm extremely happy with her but sometimes I get these almost painful feelings of sadness/anger about what she did to me. I put a lot of effort into us. Just the other day I was thinking about how before she ghosted me I completely thought we were exclusive but I realized that she texted me first and she made it clear to me while we've been dating that between us talking she was seeing other guys, and when I realized that I kinda had a mental episode of feeling like I was in the exact same place of self loathing that was so bad I couldn't handle it.
I love her and I want to be with her but these feeling almost get worse ever time. I WANT to be with her BADLY but I fear the mental toll it brings on me is too much sometimes. What would solve these feeling/what would telling her make me feel better