Me (23) and my best friend (23) basically knew each other from primary school. We got super close in college and would see each other in class and still would FaceTime after it frequently and message each other everything about our lives and updates, through voice notes and longgg paragraphs. Safe to say, we were besties.
When we both went to uni I went through a pretty dark period of my life. I’d lost my mum not long before I started uni and all I did was drink and go clubbing. We lost touch when we went to uni for that first year and I think I just thought she was busy making new friends so I guess that’s why I didn’t message her much that first year.
When we caught up with each other she said she met someone, this guy who is 5/6 years older than her. I was so excited to go on a double date as I had just started dating my boyfriend at the time but she said “he doesn’t really like meeting new people that way”. Okay fine whatever. We hung out instead without him.
She had opened up to me about her OCD and mentioned relationship issues/ insecurities she had. Then all of a sudden any insight into her life had stopped. I was late to find out about anything about her, in fact I found out through social media posts updates in her life before she even told me. If she even did tell me.
I wasn’t even invited to her birthday this year (when other friends were but I didn’t mention this to her).
I understand OCD is hard. My boyfriend struggles with it too so I know how paranoid it can make you. But I told her I’m here for her, won’t judge her and have been as understanding as possible about it. Until everytime I’d try and make plans to hang out, or even FaceTime with her (!!) she would always dodge it somehow and say she’s busy doing xyz. Her boyfriend’s name came into conversation ALOT. “Oh sorry I’m going to Greggs”. I get they see each other when they can as they don’t live with each other, but it got to a point where she was prioritising him over even seeing me just for one day, or for an evening FaceTime. I had had enough. I told her how I felt how it’s like she has no time for me and always said she’s with Gregg and how she never follows up any plans i mention or when she’s available. She mentioned how “we’re adults now” so it’s going to get busy as we have more responsibilities. This baffled me.
I work a 9-5, have two pets and have a mortgage to pay.
She works a teaching assistant job doing 9-3, and lives with her parents still.
“Adult life responsibilities” felt like such a BS excuse.
I thought she’d be more understanding but no. Eventually we made up even though I wasn’t happy she said that. I bumped into her again after I kind of just went silent on messages. She was walking behind me at a park I was at with her boyfriend, holding hands and looking down. I swore that she must’ve seen me and must’ve been trying to ignore me. But I said hi to her. It was a bit infuriating to see her just casually walking around a park with her boyfriend after she claims how “busy” she is….
My boyfriend told me not to cut ties with her. Mainly for my sake as I haven’t got any friends that live near me. (Only one internet friend).
Now we’ve finally made plans to see each other (the first time we’ve seen each other in the flesh this year even tho she doesn’t live far from me…)
I want to tell her how she’s been with me and how friends should see each other and update each other on their lives. I did make the point to her before when we argued over text that friends with kids still manage to see each other?! So why can’t we?
How do I go about it? I’m still conscious that her OCD might be the reason for her acting this way. I’ve also been told by other people (when I’ve told them about her) that maybe her boyfriend is controlling. But it doesn’t seem that way to me.
TL;DR: best friend has been so flaky with me for too long. She says she’s busy but I know for a fact she isn’t and I think she’s using it as an excuse. I’m meeting up with her soon, how do I tell her how i feel like she’s pushing me out of her life.