my ex bf and i had quite a few heated arguments that led to him breaking up with me twice in the past week. i feel very confused and upset because we have never let our relationship be tested in this matter. we dated for 1.5 years without ever wanting to breakup and we definitely were committed for the future. honestly we were very happy, very in love and we always laughed after arguments.
first time he broke up with me he instantly regretted it and apologized to me and said he would try to improve his behavior and he was okay until he just got angry again without understanding or trusting me to work this out. to him i tend to beat around the bush and make promises that he cant see me fullfill but i never claim that i can do or change things immediately but i also never say no because i dont like dissapointing people i love but i also set boundaries which gets him impatient and worked up. basically his claim is that in the past year, i have rarely ever asked to hangout. from my perspective this is not true, there was a point last year where i asked to hangout and he would excuse himself on the basis on watching soccer games or being too tired which led me to get very angry because i would take time off for said dates/hangouts. i honestly felt defeated. i was very depressed during this time because i had no job after graduating school so i was making huge adjustments in my life but he was the only support i had.
as of right now i had agreed to seeing him twice a week and he always puts the pressure on me to make plans. unfortunately we cannot sleepover and go on trips due to family circumstances. we both also work fulltime and need our independence. he says he only will feel close and fullfilled if we are able to spend more time together however he also dislikes having a connection outside of all this. he said his life is boring and hes wasting away his youth now but hes just been down for a while never really communicating properly with me to what he wants and needs. i honestly feel at fault for all this especially how he feels sad that he hasnt done much last 2 years.
i will be moving out at the end of this year and so will he in the same area and he understood that we will have more time and privacy to spend time together. (but he thinks i am lying now and that he cant trust me to make time for him) we used to quite often play video games and watch shows and call often until it slowly tapered out into him never wanting to ask or do anything with me which also just upset me more. i need this quality time and hangouts to feel like im important to him but he constantly reminds me hes happy with his own company and feels bored with me when all i have done is try to give my best effort. he never even wants to make the effort to see me even if its just to go to the gym together or just chill for an hour. he claims that i am a liar that i never want to intiate seeing him and that i am supposedly boring. i only excused myself from hanging out when i need space from him from making me upset. he also stonewalls when he is upset so i dont understand why he gets so worked up when i need to cool down.
but honestly i dont know whats worse, the fact that he never gave me a chance or how much he put down my self esteem. i am someone whos pretty upbeat, happy and optimistic. he says i am the most lame and boring person and calls me so many other things. i think this isnt true, we have similar interests and i talk quite alot because i always have something to talk about. he tells me because he used to put effort into our dates and paying for my dinner, that i need to do it tenfold. he admitted to putting less effort in me too. bare in mind that i was in school working part-time when we first started dating so i still put in effort despite not really having the funds to do anything extravagant. as soon as i got a job i took him out and got him exspensive presents. i didnt want to anymore because he stopped putting in effort on his end in making me feel emotionally safe and secure and just being the man i need. i have always wanted to me a little more feminine and a nan to treat me like a woman because ive never really had that in my life.
i never really wanted to give up on us because honestly this relationship was really special to me and he became so stubborn in his was that he never tried to understand me. i always tried giving him the benefit of the doubt but his words and behavior shattered me completely. i decided to just stop contacting him after he broke up with me because i sent paragraphs of thanking him and that i still love him only for him to ask a pathetic question about a video game in response. i dont feel valued or worthy because he mood towards me was so sporadic but im very sad and distressed about this situation. i feel like his love was very conditonal towards me but i wanted to love him no matter what his issues or flaws were i worked on my communication to make him understand but hes set in his ways. how do i move forward? i just dont understand and i wish he apologized for his behavior and im not sure whether he'll own up to it. i feel quite disrespected and under appreciated. is he just immature?