i’m working to overcome it, but let me vent. my boyfriend (28M) and i (21F) have been together for 6 months, but we’ve known each other for nearly two years. i feel like we sort of have a jack & rose dynamic where we grew up in totally different situations, just swap the genders. he grew up in a traditional two parent household, in a big gorgeous house in the suburbs, with a very stable, good life and a loving family. me on the other hand … i wish. i’m born and raised in the hood, literally the most notorious neighborhood in my city. grew in section 8 apartments, dirt poor, with a very toxic family. i didn’t even learn who my real father was until i was 12 years old, and didn’t meet him until i was almost 14. my mother was extremely abusive to me and all my siblings. she kicked me out the house when i was 16 (she did it to all of us). and since generational trauma is a real thing, my sisters were really mean to me growing up because of what our mother instilled in them (i’m the youngest btw). i was a very ambitious kid. i had goals, aspirations. i thought i could change the world. i quickly realized that in order to even afford a chance at a better life, i’m gonna have to do whatever it takes. so i started dancing in the club to pay my way through college. that environment comes with a lot of hostility. violence, drugs, alcohol, competition. but clearly, i had no help or guidance … so i did what i had to do.
i can admit, jealousy equals projection. and that’s right, i’m embarrassed. i’m insecure. i feel inferior around my boyfriend’s family. i feel like some statistic, like i’m looked down upon. i’m still working at the club, trying to reach sobriety, and giving myself some kind of chance to turn things around. but when i’m constantly around people who had what i never had, yeah. jealousy kicks in. i don’t even wanna show my face when he brings me over. i’m around entrepreneurs, multi-college graduates, artists, scientists … then there i am. the poor coked-up stripper who’s mommy and daddy didn’t even love enough to stick around. my boyfriend constantly reassures me that they’re very progressive and nonjudgmental, and i believe him. i met his parents. they’re very sweet and welcoming. all his siblings know about me and they’re very happy for us. but when i see how successful his folks are, all i can think is … if i had that kind of love and support growing up, I’d be muchhh further in life.
anyway, I’m trying to adjust my attitude towards the situation and be more grateful for the fact that im accepted by everyone regardless of my circumstances. i just needed to vent. any advice on how i can combat how i feel ?
p.s. – please no comments on our age gap. it is a healthy, consensual relationship and some people prefer their partners be a bit older. thank you.
TL;DR – my boyfriend’s family is happy and successful and I’m still healing from my trauma because I’m from the dirt with an extremely toxic and broken family.