I am 50 years old and my wife is the same age. We have been married for 23 years now.
I have always been insecure about my appearance but in most other aspects of my life I am not insecure at all. I always tested well, got good grades, went to top schools, was top of my class, and now I have a respected and high-paying job.
I am actually not a bad-looking guy, but I was always small for my age and then I skipped a few grades of school on top of it so I was never popular with the ladies until I finally matured which is around the time I met my wife. She is incredibly beautiful and when she was younger she was always the most beautiful woman in any room. She's older now so I am not sure that's 100% true anymore, but it's still how I see her. It's not why I am with her, though. I actually didn't even realize how beautiful she was until we were already dating because she always dressed down, no makeup, baggy clothes, hair up in a bun. When I saw her with her long hair down wearing a low cut gown to go out to dinner we had already been dating a few months and I was floored. She is definitely much more attractive than any woman I have ever been with and what comes with that is that she attracts a lot of male attention which used to make me jealous at social functions when I was younger but not anymore.
Anyway, my wife has this habit now of telling me how insecure I am. One time I was telling her that I could have married someone else but I chose her (I was trying to reassure her when she was having doubts about my commitment to the marriage) and she said: "No, you're too insecure to have done that."
I have noticed she says that a lot. She says that I won't leave her because I'm insecure. She says that I try to put her down because I am insecure. She says that I don't like her to have male friends (her best friend is a gay man) because I am insecure. I am trying to think of other examples but I can't at the moment. I don't agree with any of it. It doesn't bother me at all that her best friend is a man and never has. I actually think she's insecure about herself except for her looks which she knows are an asset but maybe she is concerned they are fading. She is sort of the opposite of me in that way. She's always worried she's not smart enough, not successful enough, not accomplished enough. She knows she is a knockout, though.
It really bothers me that she says that I'm insecure and I don't know why she wants to put me down like that. It has the effect of making me insecure and hence this post! Is that her game? Even when it comes to my looks, we're both 50 now and not going to win any pageants so I am not as sensitive to that as I was. I feel like she is trying to tear me down with these comments. Am I taking them the wrong way?