Throwaway acc because I have friends who know my real reddit name.
I (25F) have been with my boyfriend (25M) since high school. Unfortunately, he got into a car crash and became disabled below his waist. I wished to be by his side during his recovery. Disabilities have never been a deal-breaker for me, and I loved him, so while this is going to be a struggle at first, I believed that we'd be able to overcome this.
I tried to participate in his recovery by being there with and for him during physical therapy, I moved into his parents' house to help his parents to take care of him because he is unable to do many tasks without assistance. My job is very close to their parents' place, and my manager allows me to clock-out in case my BF's parents need my help with things like getting my boyfriend to the hospital and such.
But my boyfriend just completely shut down. I understand that this is a life-changing injury and at such a young age this is absolutely devastating, but he just doesn't want me anywhere near him. I tried to take him out to concerts, plays, organize picnics, trips – just make him believe that his life didn't end with his injury and he is capable of living a fulfilling life. But he was just indifferent to it all. Therapy doesn't seem to help him because he still seems to be completely dissociated from everything.
I couldn't see him like this anymore and I demanded to tell me everything that's on his mind, and he just said that he is angry about everything, that he feels like I'm here only out of moral obligation, that he doesn't feel like a proper boyfriend because he can't do anything for himself, that he wants to be a "real man" but he isn't even able to make love to me anymore etc. I tried to be empathetic and told him that if I've been here for this long after the accident, it's obviously not an issue to me because I still love him. He just scoffed and it seemed like he didn't believe me.
Now it's come to a point where he's throwing things at me demanding me to leave the room. He's ignoring me, and when he's not, he insults me. He's even throwing the food I bring him on the floor like a child. He became emotionally abusive, and I'd be lying if I said that I still love him. I genuinely wanted to be there for him because I've seen stories where people after intense physical therapy manage to get back on their feet and walk with some assistance, and I believed that he might be able to do it too – I believe that miracles exist, and the human body is a fascinating thing, maybe he'd be able to walk again, he just needed a lot of work and faith in himself. But he became so nasty, rude, hurtful that… I dunno, I think I just fell out of love with him.
I approached his mum and told her that I feel like I probably don't love him anymore because he's been so hurtful towards me for 2+ years now, and I just can't endure it anymore. I don't deserve this. His mum immediately got defensive saying that he's suffered a great psychological trauma after the accident and it's normal for him to be so depressed. I completely understand that but it doesn't give him a green light to be so hurtful towards people who are actually trying to help him. His mum asked me to stay because my boyfriend needs my support, but judging from his behavior he doesn't want or need me at all. Maybe he's doing it on purpose to push me away, but at this point I don't care anymore – I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
I'm tired. I tried for a long time. He shut me out. I want to break up with him, but I'd feel like an absolute trash human being for leaving a person behind when they need me the most. But at the same time I can't endure this anymore. I want to leave, but I don't want to be "that person", if you know what I mean.
I am at a loss. I need advice.