How did you reinvent a passion or purpose in life? I was fortunate to succeed at a passion very young, but life changes and with that we must adapt. Right now I feel like I’m drifting out at sea.

How do you reinvent, rediscover, or reapply your passions in new ways? I know what I am missing, I just don't know where to look or how. I'm in the fortunate circumstance that I was successful at one passion very young, but now I need to adapt to a new existence as I'm older. I'm having difficulty doing so. I am almost 26, I worked at this passion for 22 years of my life, and now I am lost. I must first give some context before cutting to the chase:

Context:

I was a talented musician. I succeeded internationally as a child & young adult while also performing for statesmen whose names or positions you would recognize. I was also very good at academics. I ended up with degrees in STEM and music from institutions you would know. I enjoy both areas immensely. However, due to natural disasters, mental…deficiencies, and traumatic experiences, I realized the gig life was not for me nor was the music industry as a living. The pay for a musician was also bad and frankly I have medical considerations which require having money. I gave up music for a technical career at a bank which pays well and I use my degrees, so it is enjoyable. Music allowed me to show my imaginary worlds as art, while math gives me the tools to make my little worlds a reality. If music is the voice of God, then math is the mind of God.

From a career perspective, it was the right call. I'm creative, a writer, my head's in the clouds. I'm both a hermit yet social, shy but outgoing, a dedicated worker but perpetually late. I would have failed in making a living as a musician due to my personal shortcomings professionally & socially. Having a good job where I don't have to perform for peanuts despite having as many years of training in the field as a doctor would in their own is unarguably better materially. I also like the subject, if not the job. However, something is missing.

What is missing:

-The reason I liked music was not just because it allowed me to create my own little worlds. It was because music saved me from myself. Hearing a piece could literally affect my approach to life. Every time I'd perform, if I could just touch one person's heart, affect just one person, that's what mattered. Maybe there's an element of validation hidden there too, but what I loved the most was how I could affect people's perception of life at least for a little while.

-I also miss the people. Meeting people from all over the world, getting to know them, experiencing other cultures intimately, collaborating with new musicians in new cities. Experiencing the novty of adventure or spice of the different in famous metropolises or in the middle of nowhere–all while not needing to plan a vacation! In this way being a musician is an ever-growing collection of stories and a blessing to be able to make and meet new friends and inspiring people.

-I'm unconventional. I'm an extrovert with hermit tendencies, a bookworm who loves to party, someone who loves to adventure but forgets to go outside. I hate office jobs, but I only enjoy stuff whose skills are paid by being at a desk in an office. I often do things because I love it, or because it's fascinating, and this obsession drives me. I need to rationalize why I do something beyond "to survive". My life is now simply a mess of contradictions.

I'm missing how my passions and obsessions, which drive me, no longer are used for the benefit of people. In order to take care if myself, I need to be doing so for others. If it's just for myself, I lose discipline. I realize the problems with this mindset, but I'm not here to explain that. I also suppose there's an element of selfishness cause it's nice being really good at something people applaud you for. I'm not bad at math and I have some intuition, but I haven't devoted 22 years of my life to learning it, so there's a confidence & competence hang-up compared with music. I'm not saying I'd necessarily be a good tutor or charity volunteer–I probably wouldn't. But I do want to be able to be reminded through my work that what I'm devoting that time to day-to-day actually helps or inspires others. Without this reminder, without this sort of work, it becomes meaningless. Currently, I either am around people who are smart but don't understand the beauty of the world, or I'm around people who see the world's beauty but don't have more insight than music.

TL,DR;

First paragraph says it. I was really good at a passion for 2+ decades when younger. It took me all over the world and was a constant source of adventure (musician). This all drove me. I left it due to personal failings and constraints, not out of a lack of ability. Now I work in a field that isn't my passion but my other passions are still used in that job (STEM). However, I'm unconventional. what's missing is the adventure, the novelty, the inspiring and diverse people, the travel, and the art. Ultimately, I need to see the positive impact of what I do on others' lives. I need that for a job because otherwise I can't get myself to care. Pathological maybe, but I need advice or suggestions on how to approach reinventing yourself without abandoning who you are. Currently, I either am around people who are smart but don't understand the beauty of the world, or I'm around people who see the world's beauty but don't have more insight than music.