I (30F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for three years.
His libido has always been on the low side. Year one, sex was a maximum of twice a month.
There was one week where we had sex three times. This was when we were on vacation 13 months into the relationship.
Now sex is once every six months or less.
He is on a SSRI which he has said is responsible for his libido level but has also said it was low before starting the SSRI.
His libido is a sensitive subject and recently said its responsible for multiple relationship break ups.
Before we can get too deep into the subject, he gets overwhelmed and needs to stop.
One thing he said that stuck with me is "It's always been an issue in long term relationships." I replied "And how about short?" He said, "They didn't go on long enough for it to be an issue."
From the conversations we have been able to have. He can be aroused at the start of relationships and for casual sex. But long term relationships his libido drops off and this causes the relationships to end. I did ask why he's more likely he experiences arousal at the start of relationships, he said this was due to pressure and the need to be 'normal'.
His libido (for me at least) feels quite random. And right now there is no pattern in our relationship that can trigger arousal. Only maybe when things have changed or been very new, for example, I wore more kinky lingerie. But that response was only once, wearing that again did nothing for him.
One thing that did come up was he finds risk and taboo exciting. And I'm wondering if this is what happened on vacation. We were at his parent's beach house, and there were nights they were also there, so had to be careful.
It feels like he only has a libido for new experiences/people. Does anyone have a similar experience? Is this common?