After years of online correspondence, I finally met with a beautiful Indonesian woman who I have become very close to through our long conversations. We're together at last and mostly enjoying our time together and having some satisfying sex. However, she's inexperienced, has had a strongly Catholic upbringing, and she has some issues that I find hard to tolerate: Anything involving her tongue makes her want to vomit, so tongue kissing is out of the question. That bothers me a lot because I feel that passionate kissing is one of the most erotic of all sexual acts, and is the most intimate, and the act that most communicates love. I associate sex without kissing with prostitutes – sex workers that typically want to avoid that level of intimacy. Blow jobs are less important to me than kissing, but are also desirable – and something that she told me repeatedly that she would do when we met, but now refuses. She says the smell of sperm also makes her want to vomit.
She says it's not personal, and that she had these problems with nausea during sex with her ex. I believe her, but I still find it hard to deal with. We do manage to have satisfying intercourse and make each other cum. However, if I'm anything less than rock hard for her than she gets upset, complains, and stops aex immediately. Tonight I didn't get it up because we argued. I had said to her that a woman that can't kiss is a bit like a man that can't get it up, and that problems like frigidity and erectile dysfunction really can be hard on the sex partners. Then, as an object lesson, I didn't get it up.
I think I need to be more understanding and patient with her, but there are other behaviors that I find alienating. For example, we were leaving for dinner and she took a gorgeous selfie, and I asked if she would send it and she said, "No!" I found that very petty and hurtful. Of course , it's her prerogative, but it just doesn't seem gracious or loving to refuse to send the photo. Yesterday, we planned from the morning to have sex in the evening. I had something else to do for a couple hours, and came back to meet her in bed and she wouldn't stop scrolling through YouTube videos, demonstrating that she was more interested in that then in having sex with me as planned.
I can't shake the feeling that this woman doesn't have genuine and/or strong attraction to me despite the long online relationship . But I also believe her when she says, it's just how she is. Bottom line is that I don't feel loved whether it's personal or not.
In the past, I've been able to help women overcome sexual problems such as inability to achieve orgasm, but I am finding this situation too difficult.