So a few nights ago my boyfriend dropped a huge bombshell on me. He told me that he’s “married but separated” from his current wife. We’ve been together for 6 months now and not once has he even hinted at something like this. I had no idea he had ever gotten married, he’s been keeping that crucial piece of information from me this whole time. Apparently he hasn’t gotten a divorce yet because in our state married couples must be separated for at least one year before they can initiate divorce proceedings. But he then proceeded to tell me that they HAVE been separated for a year, but the thought of divorce just hadn’t crossed his mind. In fact, his exact words were “I forgot about it”, and he said he’s been spending all of his time and attention on me. I feel incredibly hurt and betrayed. I can’t get over the fact that for 6 months he’s had a wife all along. He says they don’t even talk to each other anymore, and he does spend all of his free time with me so I believe him there. But this has just sent me in a spiral.
I know it’s a bit immature and people get married for dumb reasons sometimes, but I don’t see myself getting over the fact that he’s already exchanged vows with someone else. I’m never going to be his first true partner, and he doesn’t feel like MY partner anymore. We’re both still in our 20’s and I honestly don’t want to be with someone who’s already gotten married. I wish he would have told me this at the very beginning, I never would have dated him in the first place.
The morning after he told me I sent him a text message saying the next time I want him to contact me is after his divorce has been finalized and he’s sending me copies of the legal documentation. Until then I don’t want any contact whatsoever. He still hasn’t responded.
On some level I feel like I might be making an immature decision based off of my own insecurities where I feel like I’m second best. I know it’s best to end things here, but I really did like him so much. Is there any coming back from this? What should I do next?
TLDR: My boyfriend of 6 months just told me he’s “married but separated”. I texted him that the next time I want him to contact me is after he gets a divorce. Is this relationship still salvageable, or am I just wasting my time?
EDIT: Since this post is gaining some traction, I just want to give a bit more context about the whole situation. The reason I said “people get married for dumb reasons sometimes” is because that’s literally what HE said. Apparently they were both young and dumb, he was an active member of the military and he was pressured to get married. I didn’t ask for any more specifics beyond that because as you can imagine I was pretty upset.
Whenever he talked about his past relationships, he would always call them “exes” or “ex-girlfriends” so it didn’t raise any red flags for me. He also said he’s been cheated on multiple times, and while I didn’t think to ask if his wife was one of the women who cheated on him, my guess is she probably cheated and then they agreed to separate. Of course, that’s assuming he’s telling the truth, which I doubt.
There were very little signs, I didn’t maliciously set out to be a home wrecker. He changed his relationship status on Facebook so that everyone knew we were together. We spent every weekend together and he would often stop by my place after work to spend time with me. Every single night we would fall asleep together on the phone, so I know he wasn’t secretly going home to his wife, banging her, and then falling asleep together in the same bed. I’ve been to his workplace and met his best friend. I met his family and was finally able to go to his house a week and a half ago. I’m not saying all this to defend him, rather I just want y’all to know that there were very little signs that he had a wife the whole time.
When we first got together he told me I couldn’t come by his house because he had a lot of roommates and they all had some mutual agreement not to bring significant other’s over. Looking back on it, it’s obvious that he still lived with his wife in some capacity. He told me a few weeks ago that a couple of his roommates moved out and THAT’S when I was finally able to go to his house. I took what he told me at face value and now I feel utterly stupid for doing so.
Thank you to all the people showing me kindness in the comments. I also want to thank the ones who are being upfront with me about the whole situation. I will be breaking up with him.