Like the title says, we’re an older couple and both have been married before. In his divorce, he agreed to take on all of the debt and to pay 50% of his pay to his ex-wife. Their children are in their early twenties and go
to school part time. Supposedly, the alimony was supposed to help with the expenses for the kids but they keep expecting more money from him on top of that. Additionally, he has expenses for his own home. So, money is very tight. And I find myself constantly tiptoeing around whatever we want to do together because he will spend months not worrying about money and then some expense of his or his kids pop up and he doesn’t have any money for anything for awhile. I know it’s weighing on him and I try to find things for us to do that are free or inexpensive but he’s still often stressed about money.
When he’s in my house, he also enjoys a lot of the food that I keep stocked in my house. I buy some pricier things (like soda) because I live alone and they should last me awhile. But they don’t because he’s eating them. And, when he replenishes them it’s not a big deal but slowly I am starting to see that I will be footing the bill because he can’t afford to replenish it. And I really can’t afford to do that long term.
Anyway, having both been married before and having issues with money (my ex was very controlling with money), I think the whole thing stresses us both out. I’m very boundaried about being put in the position of being responsible for his money issues and I am trying to be understanding. I have asked close friends with kids and they also don’t quite understand this kind of financial obligation for kids who are adults. We were all also not being supported by our families in our 20s so it’s just not something that makes sense to us.
I think I am rambling but I feel like we’re not the only older couple who has had to unravel the financial aftermath of our previous marriages while trying to build a life with someone new. Have you been in a similar situation? What are some ways that you handled it?