My birthday was a couple weeks ago, my daughter called me early in the morning to say happy birthday and made me happy. My birthday was midweek so okay, I don’t figure we’ll do much until the weekend so I was happy she called me first thing in the morning then followed up with a text and photo. 🥰
My wife called me around 3PM, no message or text and I was on a conference call so couldn’t answer. I get home about an hour later but she is sound asleep on the couch. I finally made myself a sandwich and some chips to eat something before bed around 8PM and feeling sad. I was about to go to bed and she finally woke up and said hi, opened her iPad and played a game for an hour or so then pulled out her phone. After about twenty minutes on various SM she said ohh happy birthday but it was only after she saw my daughter’s message on the family chat. I said thank you, gave her a hug and kiss and went to bed, this is the third year with the same thing. 😢
Well, the weekend came and went, nothing. No plans, no dinner, not even a cheap grocery store cake, no present, NOTHING. This is three years in a row, she goes above and beyond for our families including my dad.
I’ve always tried to make sure to show her appreciation routinely, especially around birthday and holiday times. We do dinner with family and I’ll do a scratch made cake, handmade presents make the day about her. She is always appreciative and wears the jewelry, uses the things I’ve made and shows appreciation for them.
I’m just at a loss, been depressed and sick since fall so I’m starting to feel more and more emotionally impacted by this. Christmas this year was a big time fail, she did nothing for me then cried about it for nearly a week. We went on a trip around NYE and she tried to get me to purchase some things for myself but I’m no longer feeling worth it anymore.
I’ve brought up how much her lack of give a damn about my birthday makes me feel, she then realizes and feels bad for a week or two and love bombs me “to make it up to me” which makes me feel worse because now it’s because it’s to make her feel better.
She is gone this week, having fun while I’m at home, depressed and sad, feeling self pity and have no motivation. I know she heard it in my voice today when she called but outside of asking if I’m okay there wasn’t much there. Maybe I’m overthinking this, maybe I’m building up an unreasonable expectation, I just don’t know.
How do I get past this and stop building up my expectations? How do I deal with not being important enough to her for her to care about my birthday?