Hi a few months ago I (28f) broke up with my ex (32m). I wasn’t planning on dating for at least a year while I work on myself and healing (ex is an alcoholic which led to a lot of unhappy memories), but I met someone by chance and he asked me out. We were both out trying to catch the same stray animal and met that way.
We’ve been on several dates, he’s a really nice guy. He’s been very upfront about his interest in me, he’s put in effort and so far has been so kind and respectful. I’m not sure of my feelings though? He’s a great guy, so shouldn’t I be more interested?
My question is – when do you know that the person you’re seeing isn’t for you? I’ve really only ever dated people that I’ve been friends with for years. I’ve run out of those options now though. And I don’t work with men anymore, all the people in my office are women.
To further complicate things, I think I’m demisexual. It would explain my dating history and somewhat indifference to new people. I’ve just never looked at a new person and felt attracted to them, I’ve never looked at people that way? And I can only bring myself to feel romantically about them or want to have sex with them if I’m emotionally invested in them, which for me can take a very long time. It really complicates things and sucks because I would love to be in love and have a fulfilling healthy relationship with someone.
How long do I give this new guy? He’s nice, should I give myself more time to connect with him or call it quits? It’s been about 5 weeks and 4 dates. We’ve kissed, nothing else. But he’s definitely expressed interest in doing more, even got STI testing because he knows safe sex is important to me.
I don’t understand why I don’t feel more strongly about him and since I haven’t ever really dated in this way (ie with complete strangers), I don’t really know what’s normal and what’s not. Everyone else I’ve dated there’s always been this intoxicating spark when we’ve started seeing each other intimately, but those are with people I’ve been friends with for a year +. Is it a problem that I’m not getting that spark with a stranger? Do people get those sparks with strangers? First kisses with my exes have literally caused me to be dizzy before because it was so exciting, I kiss this guy and nothing. But I don’t know him so why would there be? Idk. I’m confused. I want love and partnership, just new to seeking it and don’t know what’s normal.
TLDR; new to dating, seeing a nice guy but no feelings, how long do I give it before giving up? Demisexual.