I (F23) have never had an orgasm.
I enjoy (I'd go so far as to say love) sex. But it's not just the feeling good that I love. It's the feeling desired and everything involved in it, however… obviously I would not mind an orgasm at the end of it ;). I am very sexual with my partners. I have had two boyfriends (one long term, and one short). The short term and I were like fire together (I lost my virginity to him), every single time the sex was amazing (& we did it often) but I still never had an O with him. Not for his lack of trying though, I mean he put in the work. I will never forget once he ate me out for so long my clit began to feel so tender that I made him stop… but still no orgasm. My long term partner never cared about my satisfaction in a way that mattered anyways so it didn't really come up. He also had a much lower sex drive then me which was 1 weird and 2 never to be repeated. ANYWAYS, I have purchased a few different toys to try and get myself there and I have tried a few times (with only one toy so far, the others have yet to be tested). Each time I tried with my little bullet vibrator I always feel like I am getting close and ON GOD I don't even know how to explain it but I think I am there then… I am pretty sure I pee a little??? I don't know at all. Like it is clearly not pee because it is only a quick squirt but I don't know what it actually is. I'd say squirting but I am fairly certain I did not cum (everyone says when you do cum you'll know it without a doubt) but when it happens I am so distracted that I just stop and call it a day.
The questions I am hoping to have answered:
Is this normal? Anybody else relate? I know I have heard of other girls having similar experiences, but I just don't know how to help myself!
How long should I give myself masturbating before I just give up? I feel like I am so in my head about reaching orgasm that it's getting in the actual way.
Should I not hookup with people until I figure out how to finish myself first?
Do you have any recommendations for how to 'get in the mood' by myself? I love SMUT books&audiobooks but it can be hard finding like the right time in a book that's going to be long enough that I am hooked. I have tried porn a few times, but I hate how gross the sites are, as soon as I am on one I just want off. Also, I haven't really found porn that turns me on enough to make me want to touch myself. I have enjoyed chatting with strangers anonymously but that can be hard to find.
ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED. Try everything (safe) once 🙂