Is 30s the “overwhelming, I fu**ed up my life decade”?

48 comments

1. Pretty much. I’m 31 and I’m just looking at the people I went to high school and college with or just people in my general age range who are leaps and bounds ahead in their careers, married with kids, or just in very committed relationships and I can’t help but look back and regretting certain choices.

2. Your 30s is where you shift from dreaming to accepting reality and navigating your way through it.

   I thought I’d be a homeowner and married living the DINK life. Instead, I’m likely single forever making a lower middle class wage.

   It is what it is.

3. I’m literally in the same boat as you right now… 32, single, still struggling to figure out my career even. I still live with family.
   People keep telling me I’m still young but I don’t know. I just keep taking it one day at a time and keep hope that things will eventually fall into place.
   Just keep going brother.

4. Yes.

5. I feel the exact same way man, I’m so confused and realised that I followed the safety of getting a degree and now working in an office.

   I have friends who followed their passions and risked it in their 20s and are now successful actors and shit , seriously.

   At one point I started out in theatre with them in our teens and was in the same auditions rooms as them.

   I’m about to turn 32 and realised how badly I screwed up by picking the safe options.

   I’m like do I risk it all now and invest all my corporate money into becoming an actor.

   Or do I accept where I’m at.

   I’ve just watched a bunch of people I work with in their 50s get made redundant with no fucks given who worked their for 20/30years and I’m like shit.

   I think I know the answer.

6. I’m about to turn 40 and I’ve never been happier. I’m a college dropout with some IT certs. I don’t make a whole lot, but I have a lot of free time and remote work that allows me to travel and do whatever I want. It’s amazing not being tied down to one area. I’m also childfree. Figure out at the core, what is causing you to feel this way and make the changes necessary. There is a lot to live for, you just got to find it.

7. Yeah I’ve tried to escape the 9-5 several times now, and I’ve just come to accept that I’ll be working whatever job I can find until I die. I’m 33.

8. I started my 30s with my life “f’d up” as you say, and ended them in the best place, financially, mentally, and emotionally I’ve been my whole life. You could even make an argument for physically, as I’m now eating well and working out regularly, but I’ve got a lot more physical ailments from age that probably cancel that out compared to my younger years.

   All of which is to say, the beginning of my 30s were rough, but my 30s as a whole ended up being the best decade of my life to date. Here’s hoping the 40s challenge that, off to a good start, but I’m told there’s a MAJOR physical and mental decline coming in most peoples mid 40s which may allow the 30s to forever be my highlight.

9. I’m 50+ and I remember second guessing all my life decisions at that age. And guess what, you move on rather easily. Just a phase, don’t stress.

10. Yes. You give up on your dreams and you face the reality of your situation and look for a way to make the best of it. Things are harder. The body starts breaking down. You have less friends because most people are married and having kids.

11. Overwhelming seems like too strong of a word. I think the 30s is where you start to measure time a lot differently. It’s where you start to ‘process’ your mortality and begin to sort out the life filing cabinet in your head. Certain things at this point will either have to be tossed out permanently, prioritized or formatted so that you can cram/accomplish as much as you can in that decade. So I’d refer to your 30’s as more of the ‘chaos decade’ of your life. Then you hit 40 and realize none of that shit even mattered, because all you want at 40 is peace good food and naps . Life, right?

12. No, I would say it’s more along the lines of where everything starts or does fall into place. You end your 20s and start your 30s with that “what now feeling” but by your late 30s everything seems to “click” and just fall into place.

    When I was around 32 it was trying to figure it all out, making bills work, family etc. Now that I’m pushing 40 and I’m happy right where I’m at and things feel like they have leveled out. Probably because now most of the issues I come across I’ve already been through before, so they’re not as difficult to navigate.

13. I definitely started to reevaluate in my early 30s. Changed career and returned to my home country. These decisions took about 2-3 years to sort out. I’m 36 now and happy with the choices I made.

    I don’t think it’s an “overwhelming, I fu**ed up my life decade”. You’ll get nowhere thinking like that. Think about what you want to accomplish in the next 5, 10, 15 years and start taking the small steps to work toward your goals.

14. I tend to feel the opposite. Could I have done better? Sure. But I don’t have a bunch of kids with woman I can’t stand. I make a good living and can decide to flip the board and try something new anytime I want. Finally got an Adhd diagnosis and medication too. Got a luxury sedan and some other neat toys.

    I don’t care that someone I know has been married for ten years to some woman who doesn’t really like him very well and has 2 or 3 kids. I’m not a fan of the hookup culture or how screwed up dating is in general but there’s still connection to be had

15. Its also the, “get your shit together” decade. 40’s is for parties, with money if you can swing it.

16. I got out of the military at 24 graduated college at 27. Have worked 1 job I hated, and now a job I’m massively overqualified for with 0 idea which direction I want to take my “career” because the only career I’ve ever known was essentially taken from me. Having my wife and soon to be son is a blessing, our home is more than I ever thought I’d have.

    But I still feel like a rudderless ship in stuck in the doldrums of life. Having no idea when the winds will pick up and push me into one direction or another.

    It’s tough.

17. No not for me

18. Essentially yes. This is something I have realized as of very recently, like the last month or so.

    I am 31 and am in the middle of a transition period where I am wondering if I am making the right choices or not. But at the end of the day I also realize that my life could be so much worse, so I am very grateful as to where I am now. New job, just finished a degree, and have an excellent support system. Outside of all those good things, I am still very much anxious and wonder if I am making the right choices so that I can be where I hope to be when I am 40.

    My advice, don’t worry about the decisions you did or didn’t make in your 20s that shaped your 30s. Instead, think of the small changes you can make in your 30s, to make your 40s what you want them to be. Also, make sure you are enjoying life along the way, don’t always try to focus on what is next or what will be, because you never know when it can all be over. Do that hobby you always wanted to do, visit a new place, go for that new job, etc. Don’t forget to live.

    Finally, practicing gratitude is so underrated.

19. 30s is when I developed the mantra;

    keep moving forward

    I did.

    little by little I moved from low skilled language teacher to software developer (30s) psychology phD (40s) R&D manager (50s) and now I’m 60, done with corporate and trying my luck as an entrepreneur

    It’s been a fun ride, lots of set backs and progress comes over 5 years not 5 days

    Just remember one thing:

    keep. moving. forward

20. Another way to put it is that most people are sleepwalking in their 20s, still living out all the unhealthy patterns that they learned during childhood.

    Your 30s are when you get enough awareness that it becomes possible to start changing.

21. I feel your pain! I was in a medically induced coma for my 40th bday and kidnapped from my father’s house by my now ex-gf for my 41st and… Then spent my 42nd bday at a treatment/detox facility. Still trying to play catch-up for the past few years!

22. I guess, it’s basically where you really begin experience the consequences of the choices you made ages 18-29, both positive and negative. Whether career, relationships, family, physical health. You begin to really shift from chasing your dreams to realizing that everything in life is a trade off, your time on Earth is ticking, and you can’t do everything you ever wanted to do. So you need to prioritize what’s most important to you and make them tough choices. But hopefully you come out the other end wiser and more fulfilled after lots of bumps and bruises.

23. Yeah, basically. I just turned 32 myself, and I cannot tell you how negative I feel about pretty much any choice I’ve made or thing that has happened to me.

    But I also think that your 30s are the “ Let me make up for last time and get my life together” decade, especially for men.

    I am fortunate to have many friends who are in their 30s in the same ballpark and older mentors who either quite recently went through this themselves or have wisdom to know that it does get better

24. It really depends on what you’re wanting out of your life, but generally it’s the get it together decade some just take longer. I feel like I had to grow up quick, so I’m more rebellious now about certain things. I don’t plan on having a wife, nor having children for a while. I tripped into a great job/corporation so I’m ok and setting myself up for right now for later and buying a house soon. If I didn’t have a parent I had to worry about I’d probably be living as a nomad and traveling full time. It just sucks how expensive it’s gotten in the last few years. Life’s not like it was even just a short time ago.

25. My 30s have sucked. Definitely paying for the bad decisions of my 20s. Found a great job at 35 that I’ll probably retire from, just bought a house at 39 after having to sell and almost file for bankruptcy in my early 30s. It’s been a slow crawl, but I feel like I’m almost where I want to be now.

26. My 30s were the best years of my life. My early 40s were much more like this…and after enough pain and misery, I was finally faced with the choice; Change what I am doing and how I look at things and how I live my life, or live and die a miserable cranky bastard.

    I chose to change, which was very hard and required me stopping drinking, drugs, getting into great shape, going to therapy, joining AA and getting support and changing a lot of my habits (for instance, I don’t really watch TV anymore and read a book a few hours at night).

    I am happier than I have ever been these days, even though I have less than I had in my 30s, much less.

27. Sounds like you have a career, were resourceful enough to manage that without going to college, are more focused than ever, and are in a committed relationship. Stay positive! The night is darkest just before the dawn!

28. Sounds like everyone should read quarter life crisis

29. its the find out phase of fucking around

30. It’s when you’ve lived long enough to start to grasp that you don’t have all the time in the world, and are also able to weigh the gravity of your past choices. You haven’t fucked up your life. You’re not dead. You just may need some course correction. Being aware of that means you can change your course if you really want to. You’ve probably tried a bunch of things that you thought you would like and found that your maybe didn’t like them that much. It narrows your search for fulfillment.

    Very few people luck out early and find their last career in their 20s. Most settle into something they don’t care for but can tolerate for a paycheck.

31. Are you me? Minus the woman lol

32. My experience is that you start seeing the compounding effect of all your decisions. Everything that you’ve avoided instead of facing starts coming through.
    The good thing is that you can start facing whatever career/ relationship/ personal challenge now and look back at yourself in your 40s from a better place

33. I was an absolute blithering idiot in my 20s. Just around 30 I started to get my life together.

34. Isn’t that the same for every decade?

35. That’s been 40 for me…

36. I have a good job, and a healthy net worth for my age.

    I still feel like I fucked up my life because that’s all I have to show for it.

37. Not sure if it’s a cope but I’ve slowly started accepting reality. Always thought things would just fall into place if I did the right things and I’d be “established” enough to get married and start a family. Now at 36, I’m single, no kids, lower middle class wage, live in lower middle class neighborhood (thankfully own). It is what it is. The harsh reality is I simply don’t make enough money at the moment to be “established” and have the aforementioned life I wanted. An ex left me because of my salary (red flag obviously but still didn’t feel good).

    Could I have done better? maybe. Did I do my best given the circumstances at the time? maybe . Am I thankful for what I have? YES. Am I still dreaming and planning for a better future? fucking hell yes. Maybe I’m stupid, maybe I’m delusional, but I’ll always keep trying.

38. No, 30s are not the I fucked up decade.

    Just wait until you marry that woman, have the kids, get the mortgage, job, and then leave it all in your 50s, like I did!

    There is no I fucked up decade.

    There is nothing to fuck up.

    There is your life to live, to discover, to explore. Drop your silly expectations, comparisons, perceived notions and expectations, and allow yourself to live it, doing the best you can with what you’ve got at the time you have it.

    Your life is inevitable. Monday will follow Sunday whether you are ready or not, happy or not, fulfilled or not.

    So stop analyzing and start aiming for what you want, and do your best to get there.

    You will miss the mark, and probably by a wide margin. Oh well.

    It’s Monday again.

39. Nah. I think you’re describing 40s.

40. I’m 32 and an absolute failure! Will never own a house, this makes me unambitious and lazy, so a woman probably won’t be attracted to me. I just try to distract myself so I forget how much of a loser I am most of the time. I should be thankful because so many people have it so much worse than me, but god damn, everyone i know is breezing through life with a huge salary and enjoying tons of vacations and company of others. Just gotta distract myself and tune out from it all.

41. Depends how much you invested in yourself in your 20’s.. IMO each decade bears the fruit of the labor you put in during the previous one

42. Fuck around and find out.

    Yeah, we’ve all heard that phrase but unless the fuckups were criminal in nature, very few people ever find out…. …until their 30s. Yes, the 30s are where that lifetime of fucking up (going all the way back to middle school, in all probability) is going to start catching up with you.

    In the same breath, for those that kept their nose to the proverbial grindstone, the 30s are when all the work really starts to pay off.

    One way or the other, the 30s are when people really start to find out.

43. Depends what you did in your 20’s.

    People in their 30’s are just soaking in the consequences of their actions in their 20’s and the people in their 40’s are experiencing the consequences of their actions in their 30’s and so on.

    It seems like you had a fun 20’s and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You had a good time. Socializing. Partying. Building relationships. You “lived”.

    You can probably find another post on this sub about a 30 year old dude regretting not “living” his life and working too damn hard during his 20’s. It’s all about perspective. We all live different lives and it’s just a matter of accepting your fate and being grateful for the things you have at the moment.

44. I mean if you fucked up your life, then yeah.

    I would say it’s more about having a realistic knowledge of who you are, what you want, and what you want to do with your life.

45. I know what you mean. At 35, I’ve only just now accepted the career I chose. And I’ve been doing it for 12 years.

    I honestly kept thinking that something big was going to show up and somehow save me from the mundane. Maybe a friend or relatives strikes it rich and needed someone to work for him.

    Or maybe I discover some niche in business.

    But I’ve come to face the truth. I don’t enjoy what I do, but I’m good at it. And I’ve found some joy in mentoring others who do enjoy it.

    Now my focus has changed a bit. I’m trying to find joy in the present. Not just hope for the future.

46. The opposite, I spent my 20s investing in the future and setting up the life I have now. I can coast and focus on raising my kids for the next 20 years.

47. I am a bit older and feel like I have entered full mid-life crisis. Don’t know what my career will be, and a lot of other life decisions, and it seems time is flying past too fast and I have to decide everything now or it will be gone.

48. Teens is for pretending to be an adult. 20s is for being an adult and acting like a kid. 30s is for processing all that came before and figuring out who you want to be. 40s is for making it happen.