I (28m) and my fiancé (29m) had the “finances talk” earlier today, and I feel confused and upset about his proposal for a prenup.
We are both software engineers, but we have a major income and asset gap. I am blessed to earn a FAANG salary. However, my fiancé has a lot more saved (both due to higher earnings and because he didn’t have student loans). More recently, his startup equity became very valuable (on the order of many millions, and likely to be liquid soon).
We have been together 8 years (since college), and I felt like everything we had was already “ours,” even though we weren’t married yet — we bought a house together, for example.
He told me that he wants to share all of our finances. But: he asked for a prenup that separates all premarital assets (such as his equity), and would also separate future earnings and assets according to the ratio of our income.
I feel deeply confused and upset. Is it fair to question the point of getting married at all? I brought this up, and he told me he wants to marry me for reasons more important than money, and he’s just planning for the worst. But I can’t shake the feeling that we’d achieve the same goal by remaining unwed.
I felt secure in his prosperity, and I was gearing up to take a major career risk (joining a startup). But now I feel vulnerable, like I need to worry about protecting myself.
I tried to explain my feelings, and he told me he needs to think more about what he wants.
I need to figure out where to go from here. I know getting a prenup is the “responsible” thing to do, but I just can’t shake the feeling that he’s hedging his bets. Am I greedy for wanting a prenup that’s more generous to me? After all, I certainly make plenty of money and don’t need his. Why does this make me feel so insecure about our relationship?
Tl;dr: partner since college wants a prenup that separates everything (including future earnings). I feel very upset and insecure, but I’m not sure whether these feelings are greedy.