I’m sure I’m not the only person who has dealt with this before so I figured why not see how others have handled this.
I’m (47m) in a relationship with an amazing woman (47f). She is smart, pretty, great mom, can carry a conversation, great cook, has a good job, listens and communicates well, supports me emotionally and overall is a great partner.
We are coming up on 2 years together and moved in together a few months ago. Things are going great except for our sex life.
We’ve had a number of discussions about it, with both of us recognizing our differences and shortcomings. She had a hysterectomy many years ago and has been on a hormone treatment since, but it has never been checked or adjusted. It’s only estrogen as well. She says she has very little interest in sex, although she says she desires me.
I have a high sex drive but have been struggling with ED issues. I’m on testosterone therapy which is monitored by my doctor and adjusted as needed. I also have pills and injections for ED that I use.
One challenge is that I like a lot of foreplay and build up and she doesn’t. She’s more about just fuck me and get it done with.
She has said that she enjoys sex with me and made claims that it is the best she’s had (she has had a number of past partners so she has lots to compare to) but for me it’s not really enjoyable, causing me to lose my erection in the act.
So it’s a weird thing because I don’t feel like she puts in much effort and while I want more sex I also kind of dread it because the outcome is the same every time. I finish her with a toy and then I finish myself later.
The relationship didn’t start this way either, but the past year has been rough. We talk about it regularly but I haven’t figured out how to make things change for the better.
I want her to get her hormones checked, but her doctor (through the VA) won’t do it and she says she’s too busy to see someone else.
I’m worried that we are simply just incompatible in this area and it is really disappointing because everything else is so good.